My birthday week - I like celebrating birthdays especially if you can spread celebrations over a week!!
We started off on the saturday before my birthday by going out for a meal and staying the night with a college friend of Pete's and his wife. The children were all looked after by another friend which was brilliantly kind of them. We went to a pub and were treated to a lovely meal. I had half a duck - wondered if it was a GM duck as it was rather large!!! The vegetables were cooked beautifully and so would thoroughly recommend The Cricketers, Longparish.
We then played a word game (the name of which escapes me) which seemed to prove that girls do have a wider vocabulary than boys as us girlies won each time!!
It was blissful in the morning to wake up to quietness and no hassle of the children and have a very leisurely breakfast.
We got back in time for Pete to take the twins off to their show practice whilst I went back to sleep. not sure why I needed that extra sleep but I did
Monday - I had a bit of an emotional crisis - and so had to be rescued by a couple of mums in the playground. I'd got confused about when Pete was working and when he was off and suddenly realised that I wasn't going to be able to go out for lunch with him as he was at work and I'd promised to take the twins to the high 5s match and I didn't fancy having a very overactive AJ being with me to watch. A mum sorted out arrangements for AJ to go after school and onto Beavers and I went to work. It's less stressful at work than trying to cope at home.
Then Pete phoned to say he was taking the next day off so we could celebrate so it all panned out in the end.
The high 5s match - they lost 6-0 but in their defence I would say the opponenets looked like they were Yr6 pupils or else are given special food to make them extra tall. All 6 goals were scored in one quarter by 2 girls. One of which was so tall, she could almost slam dunk them!! Anyway, it was good fun to watch.
Tuesday - Breakfast in bed and lots of pressies and cards to open before the usual getting ready to school routine. Woody was videoing the event but he seemed a bit wobbly so it will probably look as if we were sitting on a small boat in a big storm!!!
I had lots of messages, flowers and visits and presies during the day which was lovely.
I met my friend from my student nursing days for lunch in Marks and Spencer and then did some shopping and bought some rather odd things. The blouse looks too old for me and the stripey top was designed for a wide shouldered busty person and so did not fit at all. I also bought a pair of flattish cream shoes and very high heeled pair of green shoes. I did fancy a pale pink pair but wasn't sure what I could wear them with. I liked the pale very pointed green stiletto heeled shoes but didn't think I would be able to walk in them!! The pair I bought are high wedges so more surface area for me and my wobbling gait!! Still might take them back though!!!
Laura had gone out to a Brownie Hawaiian night and Woody had one straight from school via the childminder to a bowling party so it was a bit odd at home with only AJ and Pete.
Later on, I went out with a friend to see Casino Royale - gorgeous body but not expecting that much violence. This film started at 2045 and we left my house at 1930 but had stopped at another friends house for a drink. This turned into quite a few drinks for me and in the end we left the house at 2040 and drove at high speed to the cinema and got in a few minutes after the film had started but before the opening sequence with the song in.
So I had anexcellent birthday with lots of pressies which I don't want to list because I know I will either make you very jealous or I will offend someone by not mentioning their present.
Wednesday - I used my 'Secret Santa' vouchers and had a wonderful aromotherapy and reiki session. It really helped my back and made me feel so much better physically, emotionally and spiritually. I then went to work and surprised myself by remembering how to get the table of results from my infamous audit in word into excel, produce a graph, label it and get it back into my word document!!! Now was this luck or did the aromotherapy oils reawaken my brain. Whatever it was - I was really impressed that I didn't need to ask for help. The aromotherapy hasn't helped me format properly though so will still have to pass it to the secretary for prettying up.
In the afternoon, I took Laura and a friend to the Junior Recorder Consort. I was under the impression that they would continue with their descant recorders but apparently we will have to pay £16 for a yamaha treble recorder. Oh well, I suppose at least the consort itself is free.
It would have been a cheap day if I hadn't decided to go shopping inbetween dropping the girls off and picking them up. This time I bought a long blousy, smocky thing - it's pretty but you wouldn't know that from that terrible description - and a green based blouse with a butterfly pattern and a green cardi. I do like my cardis - this last couple of years with all these long cardis and shrug things have been right up my street.
Actually - just realised it was infact quite an expensive day as we booked our flights and train tickets for Scotland. Really looking to going away with Pete and seeing my friend and her partner. Don't think the children are impressed.
Thursday - work where they sang happy birthday and I got loads of flowers and we ate more cake. Would thoughly recommend Waitrose lemon sponge - very delicious.
This afternoon, I spent an hour helping the Yr 2 children play snakes and ladders outside for maths day with the bounciest dice you could ever imagine. There would have been time for 2 games if the dice had just rocked a bit instead of being a bit like a weevil - do you remember those toys for toddlers which had the buyline of 'weevils wobble but never fall down'. I expect you to correct me if I've got that wrong, eldest niece and sister or anybody else who knows what I'm going on about!!!

Chemo Day - It was a bit of a rush but I got there for my appointment and managed to get weighed before going ddownstairs to collect the contrast drink. She put it in a squash bottle as she obviously didn't trust me to take a jug upstairs - sensible really and she even put the time on the bottle incase I forgot that too!! Think my reputation is preceding me now!! Anyway. managed to see the radiotherapy consultant who, quite worryingly I think, has turned into an oncologist as well. He was pleased my hip felt more stable but said I will continue to get this artritic type pain from now on. He really struggled with the computer so I left for my CT scan hoping that it had been sent off to pharmacy.
The radiographer took one look at my veins and decided to get the doctor to put a venflon in. He struggled but eventually got one in the back of my hand. The CT scan went smoothly but there was a long wait between the plain one and having the one after the dye contrast injection. At the end, I asked why there was the delay and was told that it was because they were teaching a medical student. Had I been asked for hime to watch - no - so again really crap communication. I wouldn't have said no but I would have liked to have been asked for my permission as it is my choice.
Managed to convince the CT staff to leave the venflon in so that I could have the herceptin and zometa through it. Got my way!! The main problem was that I couldn't get dressed afterwards as the venflon was right in the back of my hand so the radiographer helped me.
Up to chemo and in about 12.30 so out by 1.15pm. Another short day -hurray!!

D'Oh Brain!!! I was convinced my radiotherapy follow-up appointment was today at 11.30 and my lymphoedema appointment at 10am. I had been cross about the follow-up appointment because the same doctor is there at chemo clinic on thursdays and I couldn't see why I wasn't allowed to see him there instead of at the other hospital the day before!!
I thought i'd better find the letter and at 9.45am I did - only to find that appointment was at 9.30am so had missed it!! I couldn't get through to the hospital so went to the lymphoedema clinic anyway where the physio managed to get a direct line through to the hospital and the oncologist and they said not to worry as they will see me tomorrow!! That was the result I wanted but achieved it accidently!!
Other good news was that my arm has gone down by about 1cm all round so now they are going to make me a smaller sleeve. Hopefully, this time it will be sent to the right department and I won't have to wait another 10 days extra for it. Wonder what my surname will be construed as this time??
Hope tomorrow I don't have to wait too long for herceptin and zometa and the Ct scan especially as I've got a different friend coming who's never been to that department before. should be an eye opener. No news on the complaint so will also chase that up.
Must tell you about my meeting win Reading next post

Funny Habits - I remember somewhere in my nurse training discussing 'habits' and obsessions. Actually, I don't think we ever did discussions and small group exercises in my nurse training- it was 'all chalk and talk'. However, in the mental health unit I remember it being more interactive and being memorable in the fact that the tutor said I could knit though the discussions as I had told them I knitted to relax!!! I got the jumper finished and I know which one but have no memory of what I actually learnt in that unit.
To go back to 'funny habits', I remember being taught that we all have addictions, habits and obsessions and if you think about it, I'm sure you can all think of something unique to you that is odd. Although, saying that last night one of my friends denies having any obsessions and I think she is probably right!!
I am addicted to tea and chocolate but I know I'm not addicted to alcohol and food but maybe that's just chemo induced. Habits - well generally, I find it impossible to be tidy but I do love it when other people can organise my stuff and make it look neat. My brain and body seem incapable of achieiving it and I'm constantly amazed by what other people who help me can achieve in this house in the minimal of time. Thank you. Hubby will tell you untrue stories about me and tissues but let's not get into that now!! Now onto obsessions - this is very odd - I know it is and I bite my tongue because logic and politeness tell me it is very selfish and downright odd to say anything but I like my tea in certain mugs and coffee in others. So I expect none of you will ever offer to make tea and coffee ever again - serves me right I suppose!!!

'Numb fingers and thumbs keep moving' - I'm sure any of you with small children that used to go to Gymtots or listened to other children's music song, or can even remember this song from their childhood, know the song '1 finger 1 thumb keep moving' as in , 1 finger 1 thumb, 1 arm, 1 leg, sit down stand up -keep moving song etc

I've got a new version -

numb finger, numb thumb , keep moving (repeat twice) I'll try to be jolly and bright

numb finger, numb thumb, a swollen arm, keep moving (repeat twice) I'll try to be jolly and bright

numb finger, numb thumb, a swollen arm, cramp in my leg, keep moving -as above

numb finger, numb thumb, a swollen arm, cramp in my leg, a tired head etc

numb finger, numb thumb, a swollen arm, cramp in my leg, a tired head, a painful hip etc

Nearly there now!! last line coming up

numb finger, numb thumb, a swollen arm, cramp in my leg, a tired head, a painful hip and an ache in my chest, keep moving and I'll TRY to be JOLLY and BRIIGGHHTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK. So, overall, I don't usually get these symptoms all at once but the numbness and tiredness, oh and the swollen arm seem to be continuous. The cramp comes if I've had more than 1 glass of wine, my hip pain varies - seems to be weather dependent now - and this odd, cramp like pain in my chest seems to happen if I move my arm in a certain way or sometimes even laugh which is very annoying as I do like a good laugh. Crying does the same but I try not to go there too often.

There are lots of everyday things, I find very difficult now because of numbness and having fingernails that have broken below the quick. How and why, people pick/chew their fingernails is totally beyond me and I'm sorry if you are a nail nibbler but why do you do it!! Since I live with 2 people who do this and they can't tell me, I suppose I'll never know the answer!!

This is a quick summary of things I can not do with numb fingers and no nails-

• open tins of sweetcorn or tinned tomatoes
• peel the label off new CDs so that I can open the box and play it
• pick up playdough from the floor
• put buttons through buttonholes
• connect zips on coats together
• pick up little beads, bits of string or other child like clutter from the floor
• open supermarket bags
• thread needles (or is that my eyesight !)
• undo knots in shoe laces

Wearing the lymphoedema sleeve -

• peeling veg
• grating cheese
• washing hands between kitchen jobs
• putting on gloves

numb toes -

• can break toe nails and bleed without noticing
• feel the pedals when driving
• can't put slippers on without using my hands
• stand in my kitchen without the fan heater going

Apart from that, I've been out to lunch with friends and out for a belated Christmas meal - all lovely and brilliant to catch up with the human race again. I eventually heard back from PALS who seemed strangely unkeen for me to make a written complaint until I pointed out I knew the lady who phoned me who then said it was probably best for me to make a written complaint. Thank you to everybody who contributed to this letter.

My next chemo, went strangely smoothly but then the nurse consultant did phone pharmacy at least twice to ensure they had the prescription and were doing it so was back at home by 1pm. It was my last chemo so still waiting for my CT appointment and will go on the 25th for herceptin and the bone builder. I had hoped I'd get the CT results but not sure I will now.

Poor hubby has had a flu like illness and was looked after kindly by his parents. I know they would have given him more love and care than he would have had at home. He's still off work and has now got an infected toe to add to his woes.

Woody went to Lulworth Cove for a birthday party on sunday. This seemed to involve 6 boys and 2 adults climbing up the cliffs and getting wet in the sea. A very 'Dangerous book for Boys' day which was good. Poor Woody's shoes were soaked when he got home and were literally dripping but there again, he had refused to wear his wellies so what could you expect!! They were supposed to be home between 5-6pm but got back about 6.45pm. I was beginning to panic by this stage and imagining, boys falling off cliffs and crashing camper vans but all was well.

Laura - has now got a new mattress. We had to agree with her that her mattress was lumpy. After shopping around involving lots of laying on beds, wew found one sunday morning with free delivery. One shop wanted £25 for delivery and £40 to take it upstairs!! Needless to say, we didn't go there. Hopefully, now Laura will sleep better.

AJ is a school monitor this week. This means he has to be in school 10 minutes early and seems to spend his time sharpening pencils and wearing a sash!!

will write again soon

Well - thank you for your support over my miserable day. I forgot to say that other problems I encountered that thursday was poor AJ put on his new Startrite shoes and found a huge lump in the foot. This can't have been the pair he tried on when we bought them as he was totally unable to put any weight on his foot as the lumpwas so huge. I phoned john Lwewis on friday to see if they could put a pair aside for me and was told that there were no more in stock and that I would have to come in to order them. I was going into town anyway so popped in and the shoe lady couldn't believe what the telephonist had told me as they had plenty of stock so I've managed to exchange AJ's shoes for ones without a huge lump in. She did ask me if he'd worn the shoes outside though - I just said veru calmly 'no - he couldn't put his foot into his shoes!!' The lump was visible when you peered in his shoes!!
My lymphoedema sleeve has now arrived and is comfortable but it is a huge struggle to put it on. It had apparently been sent to the hospice before christmas but had turned up on the ward rather than the physio department where I go so they did not know me and besides when I looked at the label it has my name spelt wrongly. Yes - the label where it normally says the size has my full name printed in!!! My forename is correct but my surname is totally a different variation of anything that hubby and I had ever seen before and that is aying something!! It was manufactured in Germany so it probably did sound more German than English with the way they've spelt it. No wonder no-one at the hospice knew who it belonged to!!
PALS have not got back to me so next week I will have to call in and complain to them about their shoddy service as well!!
Really slept in late this morning. I woke at 1030am (as did hubby) cos my mobile went off. If it hadn't gone off then I don't know how long I would have slept for!!! The children were too occupied downstairs to notice that their parents were still asleep and hadn't even made their breakfasts or had a drink!!
Now it's apparently 4pm but feels like 2pm and our eating patterns have gone haywire!
Better be organised tomorrow as been invited out for lunch!!

Communication - In 1990, I wrote an essay for my Cardiothoracic Nursing course which was about poor communication and the errors and complications it caused. It is a sad indicment that in 2007, it has not changed.
Remember me telling you 3 weeks ago how my creatinine levels were not checked but no-one ccommunicated this between the doctor, pharmacy and the chemo nurses and me and so I waited 4 hours to complet treatment and had to helped by a stranger to the loo. Today, I saw what the doctor wrote in my notes which said that my creatinine levels needed to be checked urgently but this obviously was never passed on or if he did it wasn't acted on.
I should have been suspicious when the research nurses asked me why I wasn't at chemo last week but no in my oblivious state it didn't click. It didn't even click when I had to remind the same doctor that I needed zometa this week as he must have been looking at the week 2 rather than the week 1 cycle. I saw the doctor at 9.30 so really good for a 9.15 appointment. There were the usual probs with pharmacy and people were seen in odd orders but I thought I'd be good and patient and not hassle. Never again will I sit PATIENTLY - IT DOES NOT PAY!!
At 2pm, I was still sitting there and getting the most awful cramp pains in my chest - it seems the secondaries are irritating my nerves in the whole of my left chest. It is just like cramp in my leg so can you imagine what it is like across all of one side of your chest. Voltarol and usual stuff wasn't touching it so ended up having to get morphine. At least pharmacy only took 10 minutes to roganise this so that it a result. The morphine helped and calmed me down for the long wait which was a good job. It seemed that the computer was issuing drugs for last thuirsday and the doctor had signed this but pharmacy of course did not issue them as it was the wrong date but never chased it up to why they had been sent an out of date drug chart!! Eventually, it was sorted once they could track down the doctor to resign the chart and I was seen in chemo around 4pm and left about 5.15pm. Iwas second to last to being treated but 4th patient in.
Am going to complain to PALS tomorow and see what the hospice nurse suggests.
Need hugs, chocolate and wine - got none of the above.

Roy - at first it seemed quite funny to get some odd messages on my new mobile phone number but it is now becoming a chore. The last phone call I answered I was asked 'but don't you know who Roy is? No, and I didn't care but I've been forced to care and take action. In case you are wondering, he is the contact for the northern area and english league hockey clubs and his number is posted on the website. Despite asking for it to be changed it has not so I've had to change my number so if you didn't get the text giving my new number which now has a lot of 0s in and is completely unmemorable then please contact me by email or landline.
Next rant follows with a familiar theme!!

Elasticurl - yes, this could be my new name.!!! I've been given a shampoo and a conditioner called' elasticurl' courtesy of my brother-in-laws partners' daughter - (have I got the apostrophes in the right place and do you care anyway about this!!) Thank you so much - you know who you are!! I have used it once and it has made my hair softer, shinier and the curls more relaxed but - .... why is there always a but - it has relaxed the curl in an upward direction again so I'm back to being microphone head again. (When I've learnt how to download photos from my phone, I'll put the framed microphone head photo in this blog). However, it feels so much more like natural hair now rather than the odd nylon feel it had before so it is a huge improvement and you never know what will happen next time I use it. You never know, my hair might stop defying gravity soon - there has to become a stage where gravity will have effect or I will look like the boy on the friends Reunited ad who says 'I'm bald now'

I've really appreciated having this extra week off chemo. I'm less tired and my mouth is better but I feel I've regained most of that weight I'd lost which seems a shame. Will have to see what happens this week from chemo and also find out when I will have scans and what the next step will be. Generally, my breathing is still reasonably OK but I do seem to be quite prone to getting wheezy and my hip is near enough painfree now. I'm a bit concerned about odd pains in my chest but it is around the areas where I had the radiotherapy but sometimes if I overstretch (by my standards) it hurts so much. Don't think I want to think about what the scans will show or how long this chemo will remain effective for.
On that note, I'm off to bed with my hot milk - yes- we've got a functional new microwave that I couldn't figure out how to use but Laura could!!

Night in the Museum' - rainy day so we went to the cinema. It had got a bit stressful at home with that many people cooped up. I booked tickets on line but never received the confirmation email so had to phone to ensure we were booked in. Odd system - you can't book more than 9 tickets and there was 11 of us so had to do 2 bookings. This is too complicated for me!!! I think we all enjoyed the film - it definately made us all laugh. Sometimes, it was just the children and other times just the adults and other times all of us. I'm glad we went.
After another bodged meal of 'anything that is grillable' the family went home and it seemed very quiet.

The 'You've Been Framed' moment - and no it wasn't me!!!
My family were staying in a friends house so they arrived here for breakfast. Still microwaveless so porridge was cooked on the hob. Tasted yum but glad I didn't do the washing up of the pan afterwards!! Had a toast factory going and must have got through a loaf of bread easily in 1 go!!
As it was a warm day, we decided to go to the New Forest and I thought that it would be good to go to the stream part. There was an exisiting rope swing but it was a bit high so my sister remembered that she had a tow rope and so this was used to make a better swing. I was really impressed by my niece's boyfriend's tree climbing ability - he made it look so easy. All the children were having great fun using this and were sitting on it when suddenly, the rope broke and my middle niece landed in the water!! She must have been frozen. Luckily, she wasn't hurt apart from her pride. This was filmed by my oldest niece and so her younger sister was mortified she'd fallen in and it had been filmed and now of course, with bluetooth technology we all have copies but have promised not to show anybody else.....
After this, we headed off to Barton-On-Sea for a cup of tea to warm up!!
That evening, I thought it would be easy to do pizzas for everyone. I think I need my head examined - you need more oven space than I have to cook pizzas for 12 people and it was a slow process!!

My family visiting - I'm so glad I don't have to regularly cook for 12. I'd need an industrial oven and toaster.
We had borrowed the spare microwave from hubby's parents so at least we didn't have to do a mad dash to the shops for that - more on that later though.
I cooked the lamb and was waiting for Tesco's to deliver the chicken so I could cook it beforehand. I thought they were coming between 1-12 but it was 12-2pm - confused surely not!! They did deliver it about 12.30 so I could get it cooked so that was part 1 of my great dinner organisation according to plan.
My uncle arrived first, then my mum and the 2 youngest nieces and eventually my sister, brother-in-law, eldest niece and boyfriend. They'd been badly delayed by heavy traffic. More presents!! My penguin fetish is being met nicely now - penguin socks, dressing gown, mug, calendar and notelets all for christmas plus the penguin tablecloth and crackers and christmas lights!! Any other ideas for penguin adorned things - one day soon I will complete my penguin cross stitch and those ****** icebergs.
Dinner - I think between my brother-in-law, mum amd myself we did an excellent job of getting the dinner done especially as the 'new' microwave did not work either!! We were trying to warm the meat up and the light was on, it was going round and making the right sort of noise but no heat!! Just what you do not want to happen when that is the last thing you are trying to do when cooking for this amount of people. We eventually had to go back to the old fashioned method of warming in the oven!! Not easy when trying to juggle roasties for 13 and 26 yorkies, sausages and stuffing and roast veg. Ever thought you'd overcommitted yourself! Gave up with pudding and just had ice cream and profiteroles!! Thank goodness for the dishwasher!!

Boxing Day - we decided to start the day with porridge. We were contemplating whether to just cook it for a few minutes longer but just at the point the microwave gave up so the decision was made. Never mind, we thought. We will buy one tomorrow first thing so that we will have one for when my family come down.
We went to Hubby's parents for a buffet at lunchtime so at least I didn't have to cook today. We also got more wonderful presents. I love this present thing!!! I had to leave about 5pm as I got so wheezy due to the cat and dog and I couldn't laugh again as it just starts my chest spasming when I try to laugh when I'm wheezy. I made the most of the opportunity of having the house to myself and had a lovely Lush bath. I'm really making the most of bathing now - having spent the summertime being unable to get in and out of the bath. It is just so blissful.
Peace was shattered by tired children returning home!!

Christmas Day - the boys woke up (apparently) at 6.30 and so opened their stocking presents which meant that we were able to sleep in until 7am when Laura woke up. She was even worse today and spent the day laying on the settee and was sick and looked so pale. She perked up for presents and in the evening ate a little duck and grapes. Odd combo but she was happy!!!
Lovely presents all round and I only cried once when I opened a present from my friend and twins' godmother who I did my nursing training with. It was a Japanese friendship doll and its message of 'hope' made me cry. It is a very beautiful present.
We had an odd Christmas meal. The boys had chicken and I had duck strips apart from the few Laura ate laying on the settee.

Christmas Eve - poor Laura. She was so poorly that I took her to the Out of hours Doctors. We managed to get the first appointment at 10am but when we arrived there were already people there- apparently it had been so busy that they started early. I told the health care assistant that I had neutropaenia and he just stared blanky back at me. I tried 'chemo' and 'no white blood cells' and he still looked blank. I explained that I needed to sit in a separate room from all the other people and he said there weren't any. I knew there had to be cos it was in the old antenatal suite and there are 5 rooms there!!! Eventually, I told him I already had a chest infection and if I caught something else I would die - OK so I probably exagerated but it was a possibility!! It got a response and he ran off to ask the doctor who immediately sent Laura and I into the spare room. It makes me so angry when basically a receptionist is called a healthcare assistant and they have no or little training in medical matters. Lots of healthcare assistants in hospitals have been trained and are good but there again there are others....................
Anyway, Laura came home with antibiotics and spent the rest of the day laying around and looking poorly.
Hubby and I wrapped presents in the evening and bunged the stocking presents in the children's pillow cases. the wins know it is us that supplies the goodies but AJ believes in the 'Snata' hat delivers presents but not any in any 'Santa' that appears in a shop etc. I think that is called 'not having all your eggs in one basket'!!!
I was very upset that evening as we'd agreed earlier in the week to do stocking presents for each other and then I found out Christmas Eve night that he'd not bought any for me ( I blame the obsession with the car port). He did look very subdued that he'd let me down and so I should think.