Nothing of particular note occured on Saturday apart from Laura and AJ went off to play with some friends, I went to sleep and Woody played on the computer. Some homework was completed. I noticed that in AJ's homework diary, it now said his story had been very good and he's been given a star award. I found it vry odd this comment only appeared after I'd complained to the deputy head and head of Yr 3 about the lack of support he has been getting in the class room. I know he sees a counsellor who won't let me know anything due to confidentiality issues which is frustrating. All I know is thaat AJ is very unhappy and we can't get to what it is so we can help him - realise it is probaby due to me going to die that is the real problem.
Sunday, Hubby took the children shopping for my birthday this week and then Laura went swimming with her friend.
I met up with the girls from my breast cancer support group. I travelled to Reading and got a train to Paddington quickly but the tube journey went on for ever!! We were the last there and so then went straight off for meal which was lovely. We then went onto the pub. This must have been our first meeting when I hardly drunk any alcohol - 2 small glasses and loads of tea.
I went off to the loo at one point and when I returned there was a little birthday cake and candle for me. The pub manager offered me a 'mini guiness'. This turned out to be a shot of Tia Maria with Bailey's on the top which was really lovely!!!!
The journey home was dificult as the tubes were crowded and as we arrived at Paddington, the notice board said a train was going in 5 mins. The other 2 got through the ticket barrier Ok but it wouldn't accept mine. I asked the ticket guard man and he said my ticket was not valid. I'd told the ticket guy at home which route I was travelling on and the ticket did say 'any route permitted' and 'valid for all London Terminals' so as far as I could see my ticket was valid. My 2 friends were the other side if the barrier so I told them to get their train. In the end they waited for me whilst I went to customer information who sent me to the ticket office. That took ages as he thought my ticket was valid but wanted to check with his supervisor. They then scribbled over my ticket and printed out a little heet saying again my ticket was valid. By this stage I had 3 minutes to get to platform 11 and just managed to get on the train with a big squeeze. Luckily, my friends had saved me a seat which a woman was in the process of trying to sit on when I arived with my disabled rail card and got the seat. There was no way I could have stood. This delay meant I missed my connection so had to wait for 50 mins for the next train home.
A strongly worded letter will be written!!
Monday, I went for radiotherapy planning so ended up with all sorts of crosses covered in plastic over my hip and back/shoulder!! Have the radiotherapy early wednesday morning - what a birthday present!!

I had my blood test done quite successfully by the venesector at the GP surgery. She needed 10mls this time as they needed to do a clotting screen. i then had a successful visit to the post Office - no queues!!! Then I bought some special pens to write in the albums but think i will have to take them back as the fine end doesn't work on 3 of the pens. I also ended up taking back the sausages I'd bought as they were definately off so a mixed day!!
Thursday - hard work getting up at 645am as we needed to leave the house by 750am to get to the hospital for 830am. Eventually, we did it.
I even had a bed this time at the hospital and went down first to have the long line put in my chest as my veins have packed up now. The consultant did it this time and did it in about 5 mins. The only horrible bit was when they took off the sterile cloth over my face and chest - well it will save me waxing the side of my neck if you look on the bright side!!
I managed to walk round to the waiting room and was seen quickly by the female onc. Very oddly, my haemoglobin had gone from 80 to 100 in a week which is really unheard of but my white blood cells had dropped from 2 to 1 and my neutrophils had dropped from 1 to 0.6. This was very odd as I'd not had any chemo for 3 weeks now so my blood counts should be improving not getting worse. The onc thought there was probably an error in either this week's or last week's blood tests. How raassuring - not!!! So no chemo again.
Plan is now to have blood taken on monday when I have the Radiotherapy planning before treatment early on wednesday morning and then chemo on thursday!!!
Spent yesterday, emailing people to come out for lunch with me on the wednesday or a drinks evening on the thursday. If i haven't invited you and feel i should have done, please contact me as it is my brain misfunctioning rather than a deliberate action!!.
Got up late this morning and now it is lunchtime and still not dressed!!

Well I went to see the GP who gave me antibiotics and thought the vein hurt because of the toxicity of the chemo. He also gave me iron tablets - oh joy of joys!!!! Will be so glad when the long line is in so I don't have that pain - just hope my blood counts are OK for me to have the chemo and line in.
In the evening, myself and the children went to a local panto. It was great fun. I love the unprofessional pantos as there is always so much banter and the odd mistake or mishap. It was so funny and we all joined in with the singing and all the 'behind yous'.
Saturday, Hubby was at work and I slept a lot and Laura went off to see her friend in a panto.
Sunday, I seemed to sleep for most of the day and felt very weak and low.
Monday, my uncle and my mum came down for the day. We went out for a lovely lunch eventually. I got lost again trying to find the Lone Barn and got confused where the Jolly Sailor was and somehow ended up finding the Lone Barn and had a wonderful lunch alongside an open fire. We waited until the children came home from school for my uncle to open his very belated christmas presents. As usual, my sister had bought him a very vile vase. This has become a tradition since he received an oddly decorated orange vase aabout 15 yeras ago or more. It looked like someone had spat on the side. It caused such hilarity that each christmas we have bought another vile vase. Apparently, we have beewn lweft them in his will so he will gwet thwe last laugh!!!
I went to bed at 7pm as I felt so awful. I don't know if it is the iron tablets or the antibiotics but whatever it is I'm fed feeling so tired, sick and depressed. I seem to have spent the whole week in tears or asleep. It is hardly a life is it?
Yesterday, Tuesday - I only woke up at 9am as the telphone rung, It was the distict nurse so she came round to redress my toes. My right toe has almost healed but the left one is still manky but doesn't hurt. I was due to go to the hospice to the day care unit. I felt so ill, i didn't want to go but the districct nurse and hubby persuaded me it was better to go as I would have people to talk to. I hardly ate any breakfast as I felt so bad. The volunteer driver picked me up and another elderly man and off we went to the hospice. The average age must have been 70. I was almost half the age of 2 of them. It made me feel quite depressed at first but they were all great fun and soon i found myself laughing with them. Then the social worker phoned me and i wended up in floods of tears so she came down to see me. I ended up crying through dinner and being hugged by a lovely 83 yre old lady. She said 'not to worry' and 'to keep fighting'. I felt like screaming 'I'm sick and tired of fighting' but of course, I couldn't say that. After that I had a good sleep with everyone else and then i met the lymphoedema physio who told me that my new sleeve had arrived so now I have a new sleeve which actually fits. Then I went onto the craft room where I found it was being run by a retired teacher from my children's infant school. It was a good laugh and therew was lotsa of double entendre type jokes. we made cards by threading ribbons or yarns through a mesh. I enjoyed that so will continue with going there as it is supportive even though I am young enough to be their daughter or grand-daughter. When I got home i went to bed again after finding a letter from the radiotherapy department whixch said my radsiotherapy would be on my birthday - think I need to rerrange that!!!
Eventually, in the evening, we looked through our photos pre children and put them in order so that I can put them in the album and we can write in it together.
Hope I feel better - got my blood test tomorrow.

Yes - I am writing this at 3am. Had a lovely evening putting together some photos for the memory boxes but had to stop as my back hurt so much. Took usual cocktail of drugs and went to sleep but with my i-pod still playing. Woke up to 'The Whole of the Moon' by The Waterboys which always makes me sad as my ozzy friend who died last year and I used to exchange music ideas for our funerals and this was one that we both liked but I can't imagine the church being happy with that one being played!!!
The reason I woke up was pain. Pain in my little toe and my right arm so the good side. I came diwnstairs cos it's brighter down here and could see a huge pocket of pus just below the toenail. I just touched it and 'kaboom' as it always says in AJ's Spiderman comic, loads of pus came out but it feels better now. I started flucclox antibiotic yesterday for my infected big toe nails so that should sort out the little toe.
I looked at my right arm and from my elbow upwards is a red line and a lump in the crook of my elbow. Presumably, this is either a blood clot (unlikely i think) or an infected vein which the antibiotics I'm on may help. So now what do i do? Do I phone the GP in the morning and try to get an appointment without having to wait an hour for the triage nurse to 'decide' if I need to see a doctor when I already know I need to or do I phone the chemo helpline and have to go to the hospital and wait hours to be seen for the oncology junior to see me and then for them to discuss me with the regisrar or consultant to make a decision whether to scan for a clot and wait for blood tests to come back!!!! Tomorrow was supposed to be when I would do some writing about the photos of my jewellery and special things for the memory boxes
Sorry if it doesn't make sense but the diazepam and oromorph are kicking in now.

Last Tuesday 8th January, I went to the specialist Podiatry Clinic for the removal of quite a big chunk of both big toenails. I was really scared because everyone said how painful it was. I had already decided I did not want a student practising on me. My mum came with me and sat with me whilst they injected the local anaesthetic. They did it on both sides of my toe nails and it wasn't until the third injection that it really hurt. I'm so glad it was only the one injection that hurt that much or else I think I would have refused to have the second toe done!! The actual operation bit went well but I wouldn't stop bleeding which seems to be my problem frequently. It didn't hurt and even the next day when I went back to have the dressing changed, it didn't hurt.
Wednesday turned out to be a bit of a hectic afternoon. I was expecting one of the hospice nurses at 2pm but that time went and no-one called round. At 315pm, the other hospice nurse turned up. We only had time for a quick chat as at 330pm, the fire brigade and hubby turned up. This was to assess our home because of the home oxygen and for them to put up enough 10yr battery fire alarms. The hospice nurse went as it got too complicated with 3 firemen clomping round the house and wanting to discuss our escape plans!! At the end of the fire brigade's visit, the one in charge asked me how we knew about the free fire alarm scheme and I told him it was because we had home oxygen. He had not been told that so we had to spend another 10 mins discussing the safety implications of that. It's thew same old chestnut isn't it - no communication again!!
Thursday evening the twins were invested at Scouts and came home with a handful of badges to sew on. My mum gamely sewed them on for me as I do struggle because of the numbness in my fingers to sew properly.
Friday, I went to the lymphoedema clininc and took this oddly shaped made to measure sleeve with me. The only person I think it could fit is ET as the fingers were overlong and the wrist cirumference was 13cm. You try and make a 13cm circumferecnce circle and see how small it is - even AJ's wrist is bigger than that!! Apparently, it cost £155 to be made so the secretary is going to try to get the German manufacturers to make the sleeve again correctly at no extra cost!! To think that I always imagined Germans to be very precise and infallible but this is obviously not true!!!
Woody was in much demand this weekend. He had been invited for tea and to go to the panto and also to another boy's sleepover party and Laser uest the next day. My plan was for him to miss the sleepover and just go to the laser quest. However, Woody had already asked his friend if he minded what time he turned up for the sleepover and he said he didn't so off he went at 10pm for a sleepover!!! Laura went off to a friend's house to play and see the new puppies.
I'm still very tired and need to sleep most afternoons. I'm trying to get to bed earlier so I can have 10hrs sleep as getting up at 7am is too tiring for me at present. I've also got some very odd and big bruises on my arms and legs so I suppose my platelets are low. My lips are very pale so probably anaemic as well. I've also got this worrying pink area on my right boob. There is no lump or pain or discharge, just an odd pinkness. Wondering if it is a new skin spread or if this is an inflammatory breast cancer presentation. Whatever, I'm scared!!
On Monday, my friend from Oxford came down and we met at M and S and this time we went to the restaurant. It really is a restaurant as you have to wait to be seated and there is waitress service. The soup and bread was lovely and the chocolate pudding with chocolate sauce was definately delicious.
We did a quick whiz round Sainsburys for some food and then home. AJ and Woody had friends back for play and tea. They were such well behaved boys it was lovely to have them.
Yesterday, 2 of my previous work colleagues came round to see me. It was lovely to se them and catch up with the gossip!!
That leads us onto today - chemo day. I saw the female oncologist as she is the radiotherapy lead and I feel I need radiotherapy to my shoulder and left hip again. She looked on my bone scan done in October which didn't help us much as it shows I have bony secondaries in my ribs but not my shoulder blade where it hurts the most. Anyway, she agreed to me having more rads to my hip and my shoulder. The MRI , by the way, showed no brachial plexus injury so it must be rads damage that is causing me this peculiar numbness in my fingers and thumb.
She couldn't work out what this pinkness was on my boob so she decided we would wait and see what happens next with it. Apparently, the lymph nodes in my right arm it have all shrunk again so the chemo is working there as well which is good news.
The bad news is that my white blood cell count is very low - 2 and I have 1 neutrophil!! My haemoglobin is only 8 so really at needing a blood transfusion level. Hoever, in discussion between the 2 onc consultants, they decided to miss out this week's chemo and hope all gets better. My platelets were fine though but as the onc said they may not have been last week when I got these bruises. They have also agreed to me having a long line put in which is a nuisance and a blessing at the same time. This is when they put a line into a central blood vessel in your chest. I had one in 2006 and it made the whole process of having blood tests and chemo so much easier and faster. My poor veins have become so sore that even after my blood test yesterday, my whole arm hurt down the vein from my wrist to my elbow. I have to be in the hospital about 830am next week and will need a lift and company. Any volunteers out there??!!!

I never thought I would ever have a topless photo of me done even when I had 2 boobs let alone now I've only 1 but I did. Intrigued are you???

Firstly, it was now friday and my friend had returned to help me pack for the weekend away. Well, I packed for myself and the children and left a list for hubby to get him to bring coats and wellies and bedtime cuddlies etc and of course his own stuff. This took longer than planned but then it always seems to do and my plan to arrive by noon was now too ambitious. I did get over to East Sussex by 1245pm so not too bad and I planned it right as the lunch was just about to be served.

Various other women were in states of undress (actually nobody was walking round naked - they did have dressing gowns on) and half made up and half hair done.

The idea of this photoshoot was that one of the women off the forum had a daughter who is studying for an MA in photography and she wanted volunteers who had had mastectomies and/or reconstruction to have their photos done for her to submit for her degree and possibly exhibiting somewhere. She wanted to show real women with real bodies rather than the medicalised and sanitised photos women are shown when they face breast surgery.

She actually draped us in white linen so it was satyled in a sort of Reubenesque/Roman feel so that you could see our faces and our chests but not much else.

The makeup/hairwoman was brilliant and did us all slighly different so that it did suit our face shapes etc and made a beautiful job of our hair. Apparently, she had done some work for Trinny and Suzanna in the past and she was definately good at doing make up and hairstyles to suit. We all had our photos done individually and the photographer made us all feel relaxed. I could smile and do coy looks but found it very hard to do 'an attitude' face. I mean i was trying to show I was proud of all my battle scars and imperfections especially after having twins, mastectomy, radiotherapy and a gall bladder removal. It would have looked odd if I was inanely grinning all the time but to show 'attitude' was very hard.
Everyone seemed to enjoy themsleves and some of us stayed on for dinner later. I didn't fancy driving in the rain round the M25 to get to my sister's in that awful weather. I left about 745pm and the M25 was atrocious around Clacketts Service Station, the spray from the road was awful and there kept being huge puddles.
I eventually got to the Travel Lodge - I found it first time this time. It helped that the sign was lit up this time!! Hubby went straight to my sister's house as he had no faith in the map he'd gor off the internet. He'd had a horrible journey where the car kept vibrating and wobbbling ands it was coming from the front passenger side wheel. He dropped Woody off at his cousins and my sister came over to collect Woody's things for the night. She had already changed into her PJs and came over complete with boots and big coat and was anxious not to see anybody. At this point we realised, AJ had not brought his coat even though he'd been asked too and it was in a place where he could have brought it into the car!! Looks like I now need to buy yet another coat!!!
We settled to sleep but got woken up at 330am by the fire alarm. It was ear piercing but AJ managed to sleep through it and it only went off for about 10 minutes but it was excrutiatring noise. I went out into the corridor and met a very drunk man but nobody was leaving the place and as we were on the ground floor we knew we could get out of the window and onto the grass easily if we needed to get out. We just went back to sleep!!
Saturday morning, we went off to my sister's and her hubby cooked bacon and sausage for those that wanted it and thosee going to the Spurs vs Reading match went off which left myslef, hubby, AJ and Laura plus their middle cousin. We had to do a trip to Tescos to buy a coat for AJ before heading off to a Tropical Wings and Things place. We started off by watching a Parrot show given by a man who sounded like Harry Enfield's Zavros (?spelling) and the parrots were not always on their best behaviour. One just skimmed over AJ's head and then proceeded to eat a peanut and spit out the shell over hubby's head. There was also a lovely butterfly part with koi, hummingbirds, bats and finches and tortoises. What is it with tortoises - they are always attempting to hump each other whenever I see them!!! Laura pointed out that 1 of the bats who was on his own was definarely a male as you could you see his bits and outside the donkeys were randy too!! Very early for spring fever I would have thought!!
The best bit was feeding the wallabies. They had brown and albino ones and you could see the joeys moving in their mum's pouches and then one actually poked his head out and was trying to eat the food too. It was so sweet!!! It was never something that I thought I'd want to see but it was so cute. They are fond of bananas and cabbage but not carrots!!!
That night, the twins decided to stay the night with their cousins so we only had AJ in our room. This time we got woken up at midnight by drunks but I suppose this happens in hotels like this.
Sunday- we just got up and packed slowly before going back to my sister's. Hubby and my sister took the children to the park whilst I sat and read the papers and bro-in-law cooked a sunday roast.
Hubby had to do something to the car to make sure he could get back to our house OK. He took the front wheel off and found the CV boot had completely split so he needed to do some kind of Heath Robinson job to stop the oil and wheel rubbing. He decided to use a bag for life and cable ties to act as a buffer. He did a little test drive and then we hoped he could drive the 120 miles back home without it falling off!!!
As we left we could not see any wobbling and it seemed OK so we drove back home. We had to keep overtaking each other so we could look to see if the wheel looked wobbly but it was fine. In the olden days, it was always a nylon stocking you needed for car repairs and according to the Thomas books, a leather boolace was used to mend a brake but in this modern age, cable ties and Bags for Life are obviously the thing. I wonder if the offer of a new bag if a Bag for Life breaks would still be valid if it has been used as a buffer in a car wheel!!!
I'm trying to think of what else I've used a bag for life for but usually it's mundane things like putting some wet washing in before hanging it out on the line or for the christmas cards or putting more bags for life in. I've never seen them used for car repairs before have you??? I think it is the sort of story that should make the local paper don't you!!
Talking about the media, there is a 5 minute extract of my podcast on http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/
You need to just find the link to the December podcast and you can hear me with a gravelly voice as I had a cold at the time extolling the virtues of their site and their awaydays!!! They have totally ignored all the other points I've raised about the lack of support for anybody with secondary cancer and how I've been treated. It sounds like an advert for breast cancer care!!! I've now got to get the full tape as I think for my family and friends it would be good for them to listen to and think I need to write/record another piece of what it is really like to live with this uncertainty of secondary cancer and how the support of the NHS is non-existent for people like me and this time try to get it published without it being used as a publicity drive for a certain organisation. I will have to make sure about the copyright issue but if I start from a different point and use different words and order then am I breaking any copyright and can I plagurise myself!!!
If anybody knows the answer to this, please can you let me know and also what unusual things have you used a Bag for Life for.

I had a 9am appointment for chemo so hubby had to go to work late so I could get there on time. I saw the other consultant this time who said my creatinine was within normal limits and my blood proteins were not that bad and that my other blood results were fine. He then said 'so you've come for your Day8 Gemcitabine and the herceptin and zometa. I was rather taken aback to say the least. A month ago I was considered untreatable and then after loads of persuasion, they agreed I could have one dose of the carboplatin/gemcitabine combo and then last week they said I was too weak to have the whole raft of drugs and now one week later they want to give me the whole lot!!! I just agreed and then sat ansd waited to go in. I had gone on my own as I thought my treatment would only be about 45 minutes and now we were looking at about 2 hours. This turned into 3 hours as my vein became so painful, they had to dilute it all down and it took ages. as i was on my own, it meant I had no lunch and nothing to drink. I finished about 345pm and then went to the memory Box/scrap book shop to pickup further supplies as my friend was supposed to be coming over to help me with more pages. However, by the time i got home I was so exhausted I just went to bed at 430pm and asked hubby to wake me up at 6pm as he was going out to his morris minor drinkies. I texted my friend to say I felt unwell and to cancel this evening. He also thought I looked awful and so thought it best to wake me up at the last possible moment which was 5 minutes before going out. My friend arrived as she hadn't read her text from me and the childrewn were all up. It was a good job she was here as then the internet shopping turned up - i'd forgotten that - so she helped me unpack it all. i got the children into bed and opened the oven door to find a roast dinner which looked and smelt lovely but I could not face eating it. I then realised that all the christmas decorations were up and we would be away for the 12th night and I just got so upset and stressed as I hadn't eaten or drunk enough and couldn't cope with the thought of packing tomorrow for the weekend and soerting out the decorations I just burst into tears and phoned a friend. She came round armed with a tin of soup for me and proceeded to cook that for me and to get down the cards. This was not an easy task for her as she is shorter than myself so needed various chairs to stand on to reach them. Eventually, once I'd eatewn and drunk and calmed down I felt so much better. So a big thank you for coming to rescue me in my hour of need and sorry to my friend who had cooked a beautiful dinner that I ended up wasting because I'd got myself too wound up to eat it.
so 2 bad days in a row then - or rather 2 very tearful days.

Can' t remember what we did on New Year's Day so it can't have been terribly exciting can it!!!!

On Wednesday, I had to take the children into town to buy the twins new winter coats. Woody had had his stolen just before the end of term and Laura had outgrown hers. We got up early and parked near the city walls which is close to the shops and meant I could get my mobility scooter out with the help of the twins. We struggled and with a lot of huffing and puffing we got the scooter ready - only to discover that I had not bought the ignition key with me!!! So we had to reverse the process and get the scooter back into the car and drive round to the shopmobility place right by the walls rather than the one inside the shopping complex which I normally use. Luckily, they had 1 scooter left but the poor woman in charge was very stressed about the whole thing and Woody couldn't believe how quickly she read out the rules and regulations to me!!! The scooter was older and bigger than ones I've used before and it also did not have any speed to it. To say I struggled with it is a bit of an understatement. I crashed several times into lifts and clothes racks especially in Accessorize where the counter staff seem to be completely oblivious to people in wheelchairs etc and Peacocks where they are obviously more interested in trying to shift sales stuff rather than have accessible walkways. The creme de la creme was in BHS where the staff were wonderfully helpful in the cafe but I could not control the scooter and ended up crashing into the table with the hot coffee and freezing coke 3 times. How none of it ended up in AJ's lap I don't know. I think 'someone' was watching over me.
The boys wanted to buy their new cousin a toy so I sent Woody and AJ into Boots whilst Laura and I went into another shop to look for a coat for her but with no luck.
I managed to buy a coat in the first shop we went into for Woody. Typical young boy - not so interested in fashion yet so if the first coat fits- then that's the one that will do!!!! If only it was so simple with Laura!!! After much searching, we could not find any coats for Laura. They were all waist length or else not very warm. In the end we gave up and I texted my sister who goes shopping much more than I do and who has a daughter the same age as Laura to see if she could look for a suitable coat for her.
We then went home for a quick lunch before going out - much to AJ's disgust as he wanted to stay in and play with his toys. This time we went to the main hospital where I needed a blood test for tomorrow's chemo. Somehow I got confused and ended up at the wrong end but as luck would have it, I met my favourite blood lady who was just going into the ward to take blood so I went with her and hey presto, my blood was taken first time without any problem at all and no waiting in a queue!!
We then went into the maternity hospital to see hubby's newest nephew and the children's newest cousin. He was fast asleep but looked very cute. Aj wanted to know what he got up to as I suppose he has really only had contact with babies over 6 months old so it was all a mystery to him. Then hubby's parents turned up and so did his oldest sister and as there was only supposed to be 3 to a bed and Laura was beginning to cough we left and went up to the genetics department as I knew I had not completed a certain form for them to continue looking for a gene for breast and oesophageal cancer.
As I was paying for the car park, the children started arguing and fighting and I completely lost it and started shouting at them and saying things like 'I will die quicker if they stress me' and 'my cancer is close to my heart and if it is stressed I will die'.
In the end we were all in tears and I felt awful but at the same time, it is partly true. My cancer is right up against my right side of my heart and against my aorta (the main blood vessel out of the heart) so I don't want to put added stress on my heart. I then couldn't manouevre the car out of the car park. The disabled car park at the hospital has a very narrow entrance and exit and you have to approach it head on in a straight line or else you can not turn into it at all. Of course, by this stage I was in such a state I couldn't do this and ended up on the pavement bit and was really unable to reverse because of a metal pole and had all these people tooting at me and no-one offered to help and I know most of the drivers were able bodied as I'd seen them with their disabled passengers.
I felt so awful that we ended up going into MacDonalds and had a horrendously long wait for the food. I just bought a tea and some extra chips for the children. I decided I would eat a couple of chips which was a big mistake since I was still feeling so stressed, they go stuck so I ended up regurgitating them and a little tea into the Happy Meal Box. I felt really awful as now I was causing the children stress.
We went home and within 5 minutes of being home there was a big flash and we had no electricity again. This time it was dark and the emergency torch was not in its place and AJ was scared of the dark. Eventrually we found the matches and lit up some candles and Laura found the camping lantern in her bed!!??!!! The odd thing was that when we opened the door we noticed that the majority of houses had electricity. However many times hubby tried, the trip switch would not work so we were contemplating who we could ask so hubby went outside and noticed that some of the lamp posts were out and so were some of the neighbours' house lights. We then discovered that in our short road - highest house number is 52 so the road is not long - that there are 3 different circuits and so our circuit was the only one that had failed from where it had had the fire in the box last time and the other 2 circuits were still working. We tried phoning the electricity board - it was one of those press the star button and then options 1,2,3 or 4 and about 10 mins later I managed to talk to a human being who said the main fuse had gone and an engineer was on his way to fix it. About an hour later, power and peace returned!!!
It was not the best day of my life and I ended up feeling a really bad mum by losing my temper and scaring them more than I should have done. Aj's biggest fear is that I will die when he is at school so all I've achieved is frightening him more.

Well as I said last time I was horrendously constipated and ended up going into hospital 8pm on saturday 29th December courtesy of my in-laws kindly providing me with a lift and generally helping to get me there. I ended up on the leukaemia ward where the other women had been there for an astounding 5 weeks and were going to be there for another 6 weeks. What an awful thing for them to go through. The downside of this was that I was the odd one out with treatments and side effects and they had their own routine etc and I felt I was upsetting thier routine.
The other downside was that I was not on a ward that my doctors visit so there were plenty of delays. Infact, I didn't see a doctor until 2am on the night I was admirred . As you can imagine I was not very popular as he just came in and turned on all the ward lights and woke everyone else up!!!! He asked me if I wanted an xray now or in the morning. As I had taken my sleeping tablets, I couldn't bear the thought of trying to struggle down to xray so opted for the morning.
Morning came - eventually breakfast came - had even more sennacot and magnesia hydroxide and still no xray. Eventually was seen by a different doctor at 130pm and had an xray about 2pm. I was not seen again until about 7pm when they had looked at the xray and decided that I was indeed constipated and didn't have any other kind of blockage. Eventually at 8pm, 24 hours after I was admitted, I had an enema and eventually went. Hurray!!! Had a bath - hurray again and hoped I could get home.
The good news was that my oxygen saturations in my blood were now within normal limits at 96% and my breathing rates were normal too so this chemo is working!!
The next morning arrived and again, no doctors saw me until 3pm when she asked why I was still in!!! So I told her it was because I could not go until she discharged me. I didn't wait for hospital pharmacy as I knew that would be even longer so hubby picked me up at 4pm and we went to the GP who prescribed the medicine immediately and I went to bed for a sleep before heading out to a New Year's Eve party.
The children were at our friends house so when we arrived later, our host was busy cooking a roast dinner for 18 people. What an undertaking!! The children ate first whilst the men played with the wii and then we ate. I had some of the mousaka left from our last time there - it had been frozen and defrosted and heated up again so it was safe to eat!! Everyone else had roast beef.
We left the twins there to stay the night and AJ came home with us. We did stay up just till midnight and then fell asleep. The fireworks were fantastic on telly in London and just noisily annoying here!!!
Happy New Year - rather belated I know.