Thoughts on Dying
Thanks to everyone who has contributed to my posts or written supportive posts about me and my current state of ill health.
I always thought I would know when the time was right for me to stop and give up treatment. In many ways that decision has been taken out of my hands now as I have been discharged from the oncology team to the palliative care team only. This happened when I was transferred to the Hospice on Tuesday 24th March.
The oncologist says that the only way I would get more chemo would be for me to be able to walk into the clinic and I'm far off that. I can manage a few steps on my own and that's it.
It was a horrible feeling leaving the hospital and knowing that I would never be 'well enough' to go in ever again as now that I’m at the Hospice, I’ve elected for ‘do not reuscitate’ so there is no reason unless I get quite an unrelated infection that I would ever need to go in either. Another, chapter of my life over.
Anyway, I have a lovely room with a view of a waterfall and bird boxes and just enough space for my clutter and things.
Psychologically, it's taking time to adjust to the new 'dying' me who is still aiming for home for a few hours on some days but has given up on thinking of being at home for a few days but you never know I might turn the corner and perk up for a while and get home!! It's very confusing all round.
I’m sort of balanced between wanting to get well enough to go home but to keep this bed mine while I’m at home. I don’t want to die at home but it would seem more appropriate there than at the hospital if I can’t get a bed here at the hospital.
I’m not sure what sort of death I would be facing and of course, still don’t. I don’t know if it will be quick or drawn out. I know at the moment I’m not ready to die and it’s hopefully, quite a few days/weeks off it anyway.
I seem to have done a brilliant job of tricking you into thinking I’m fantastically organised when in truth I’m not. Certain things are and others aren’t which is very frustrating and some things I can’t do until I get a few hours at home.
I took on too many projects and now with the kitchen redecoration going on at the same time it’s all happening at once!!!
It’s odd facing death as I’m so aware that often it is me that wants people to visit me, to keep me company, hold my hand, have a laugh with or look after me when I‘m feeling rough.
I enjoy having reiki and aromatherapy.
I want to personally say thank you to people who have spent so much of their time after nearly 4 years of ‘fighting the invader’ that not to say goodbye individually seems rude.
I know for many people it is hard emotionally to come to a hospice and see me going downhill but I’m the sort of person who needs some kind of closure so even if you can’t face coming in to see me then maybe could you send me an email or text as I would like to say a big thank you to you all individually. Emailing would be best as then I can make it clearer and more personal.
I really don’t want people to come and see me if they are going to be too upset and would prefer to remember me when we last did this or that together. That is fine. It has got to be what is best for you to do and not just because I asked.
It is now Saturday 28th March at 940am and have no visitors till later so want to make the most of this time catching up with my life story.
I will continue to update my blog/forums as much as I can or else my niece, Magnolia will, to you know what is happening. This maybe factual or it may be emotional posts - have to wait and see.
Thank you so much everyone for your help, friendship and support. I could never have achieved this much with out you.
Much Love Katex

Off to the Hospice and Life in the Hospice

I got told tuesday 25th march morning after I had seen my oncology team that there was a bed for me at the hospice and the transport was ready from noon.

Mum helped me have a shower whilst the nurses sorted out everything else for me and then we finished the packing to go to the hospice. Pete also turned up to help get stuff out of my room so that all helped make me look less cluttered. I still needed 28% oxygen but could now stand and take a few steps n own so was definately stronger. The only other problem was this increasing pain in my tummy which would go rock hard and feel like a labour contraction but otherwise was beginning to eat a little better. Presuming this is the spread in my bowel layers. the doctors think it is too so that is disappointing as is causing me pain which was haven't having before and also scary for the speed my cancer grows at.

I got to the hospice about 4pm and got settled into a lovely but small side room with wonderful views of plants, bird boxes and a waterfall plus wifi access so quite happy.

I really felt that evening and the next morning, my care had gone round full circle. Now they were trying to get me rushed into going home mode and it seemed too quick.

The children came to see me tuesday and thursday evening so that seemed more normal and they are happier here as they can play with the toys or watch telly.
Let's see what happens next

Off to the Hospice


I just have to hope I get the next bit in the right order as one day just went into another!!!

As the week went on, I began to get a bit stronger so that I could have a conversation with people and not drop off to sleep or nod off when texting people!!! (unlike now!!!)

As the week went on, it was decided that my visitors did not need to wear plastic outfits to be with me and although my swabs still came back as positive to paraflu, I did not have a high temperature or other signs of major infection so my name could go on the waiting list for the hospice. This must have been on about the thursday before Mother's Day. It was such a relief to know I was making progress and the hospital did as well.

I had begun to make some physical progress as could now stand on own for a matter of seconds. My progress seemed more due to my determination than by medical intervention. Sameold story so far isn't it?!!

Frightened by how much weight I've lost and yet nobody is interested. I've got no arm or leg muscle now, nobody is checking up on me to see if I'm eating or drinking anything and my pressure areas could have completely broken down but nobody would know. The physios appear to have stopped visiting as has the palliative care team. The only person I do see is the junior doctor for my oncolocy team. Ben is lovely and says he keeps hoping a bed will come up quickly for me and that I do manage to get a few days at home with my family. With Mother's Day fast approaching, the need to see my home seemed more urgent. I want to see my house one more time.

The use of the hospital grounds here is amazing. They are using every spare area outside to build new buildings and inside is a mini shopping area with a florist and gift shop, WHSmiths, a clothes shop, Julian Graves -health food shop, League of Friends. a Solicitor - the sort of one that says have you been involved in an accident in the last 5 years and a jeweller. That jeweller did quite well out of me the week leading up to Mother's Day as did WHSmiths for birthday presents, cards and Mother's day cards. My sister kept going down there to buy pressieson my behalf as I needed to get birthday presents and a mother's day present. This tested our ability to be able to draw and interpret pictures of ear-rings etc!!! We got there in the end and I hope people were happy with their presents.

The building works were not so good for me or anyone else in the hospital. I had scaffolding outside my room and workmen who would be running up and down or else knocking down plaster outside my bedroom door so would be pleased to go to hospice.
Mother's Day was a bit surreal. I saw my mum who had spent the night with me again which was lovely and she'd found the church sunday morniung so was pleawed that she enjoyed the service and met other chaplains there.
My children came in the afternoon with 3 little boxes they had made themselves full of sweets so felt very proud of their achievements as they are lovely and go well with the much admired tissue flowers that Laura had made for me in the hospital. It was so lovely to be able to cuddle and kiss them without all these horrible layers of plastic on and we were all so much more relieved to be able to be like that.
Poor Woody looks especially tired and says how much he misses me. I think Laura and AJ are sleeping better as they look better and Pete looks tired.
My mum liked her mother's day things that my sister had bought her and the earrings that I had bought her via my sister!!! So that was all successful. They didn't spend long with me but it is so difficult at the hospital to entertain the children. Really hope can get to the hospice soon

Para Flu Type 3
As the ward I was on, was mainly for patients receiving chemotherapy or people suffering from infections as they had no or little immunity, you can understand why they wanted me isolated. For many of these people getting a simple cold could kill them and although paraflu sounds a very ‘glamorous’ name, it is basically a cold which gives flu like symptoms. What was worrying me was that I’d caught this paraflu from another patient or their visitor as I’d been nowhere else. I know when I had first arrived, the woman opposite me had visitors with hacking coughs. You’d have thought that people would realise not to come in with colds and coughs to a ward where patients have lowered immunity but some people have no common sense.
This meant that all my visitors and nurses etc had to wear gloves, masks and big plastic, long sleeved aprons. The masks came in 2 sorts. 1 sort of looked like a general dust filtering mask but the other one looked like a duck’s beak as it was white on one side and yellow on the other and pointed forward. Everybody disagreed on which was the most comfortable or uncomfortable to wear. After a few days, the infection control team decided that my visitors did not need to dress up in the infection control paraphernalia as they were not going to see other patients but the nurses still did. My family were so relieved as they got so hot in all this plastic.
Death News
I really felt I was going downhill fast. By Thursday evening, I was very weak and could barely stand. The furthest I could walk was a few steps and I needed help with everything and still needed 60% oxygen to keep me going. Infact, whenever I did anything, my oxygen saturations would drop and sometimes drop to only 85% when they should be close on 100%. At these times, I would also be unable to catch my breath and get into a panic quite easily. I seemed to need oromorph and lorazepam more frequently to relax me so that my breathing was easier. The ward was so busy, it could take 20 - 40 minutes for them to answer the buzzer so this weekend 14/15th either my sister, mum or Pete slept in the same room as me. The nurses kept promising my family a bed or at least a recliner chair for them to sleep in but this didn’t happen. My 73yr old mum was sleeping on towels on the floor and my hubby and sister made do with sleeping on an upright chair with their legs supported by another chair. It seemed hopeless and I kept meaning to complain but never got round to it. In the end, hubby bought in the sun chair recliner so that whoever slept in with me was a bit more comfy which was a relief to me.
On Saturday 14th March, hubby and I saw the Registrar. He talked to us in a way that made it clear that I was not expected to live for much longer as my lymphangitis was spreading quickly and widely and that there was not much more they could do for me.
It was not the news we were hoping for as we felt, there could be room for me to improve so that I could restart chemo. However, we discussed this with the doctor who felt the children should know as soon as possible.
We told them on the Sunday and has been the most horrible thing I’ve ever done. AJ could not cry. He hugged me and said he loved me and was glad I’d lived for as long as I could and he didn’t understand why he couldn’t cry. Laura was distraught and poor Woody sat there with tears streaming down his face despite Pete cuddling him. It was a horrible day. What made it worse was that it was all done with the layers of plastic protection so we couldn't have a proper cuddle. It felt so wrong that our last goodbyes could be done through masks and plastic for basically a 'cold' virus. Eventually, we just changed subjects and went back to more 'normal' things like the nintendoes. They have been the saving grace and the cause of the most arguments in my existence I think!!
I love my Nintendo DSLite but I am very limited to what games I play - Braintraining, Scrabble, The Puzzler and 42 Classic Games where I play Darts, Billiards, Bowling, Solitaire, Chinese Chequers and Mahjong Solitaire which is my current favourite but does nothing for my eyesight and often fall asleep with my head over my nintendo and dread losing my stylus!!!!
From that point on until today 23rd March, I’ve never been alone as I’ve felt too poorly to be on my own and wait for 30 minutes for my nurse call bell to be answered.
I’ve had my family looking after me, washing me, taking me to the toilet and sorting out my pillows and bed. They have fed me which is difficult as I could only take a small mouthful and then need my oxygen back on.
I’ve been visited by lots of friends too who have volunteered their services which has been well appreciated and I've clung onto people's hands endlessly as I was too scared to be alone and holding hands helped me.
It's been so emotional as I never know whether I will see some of these people again and seen friends cry who in the many years I've known them and despite them having been through many life events I had never seen cry. It has been so difficult as I want people there but at the same time feeling a nuisance especially as all I wanted them to do was to hold my hand or pass me a little to drink and just 'be' with me.
It's been lovely having reiki and reflexology and managing to still go into zones that I've never been into before and these have given me much needed and relaxed non-medicated sleep. It has helped me further believe there is more to this life and that there is another life after this as I feel I see glimpses of it when I am fully relaxed and in theses 'zones' and it gives me strength in my belief of my own form of christianity. I have met up with various chaplains from the hospital who are from all sorts of christian backgrounds who have been wonderfully supportive as well.
Facing death has been challenging in all sorts of ways and for some reason trying to fathom out if there is a life after death has been one that has stretched my intellect beyond what I would have thought was reasonable!!!!
As this was all going on in my head, my body was doing it's usual thing of tricking the medics and beginning to get better again.

Hello this is Mags again (Poodles) Kate's neice. I visited her in hospital sunday till monday and when she was having an hour or so with no talkin or exhausting herself she managed to type up a blog for you all. Feel privellged!!!!

So here from Poodle is a blog...

As many as you know, I’ve had a very poorly couple of weeks. I started this with a simple chest infection caused by one of the usual suspects – the strep one this time and came into hospital on Sunday 1st March. My Ct results were awful as I’ve written previously. I came out of hospital on Tuesday 10th after having the heart echo eventually having been forgotten about the day before with the plan being to start vineralbine on Thursday 12th.
I had a sore throat that evening which was annoying but didn’t think much of it. However, when I woke up on the Wednesday, I felt awful. I really felt like I had flu and my breathing was terrible. I felt I was drowning and felt so poorly that the only way I could get out of the house was by ambulance. We had phoned the chemo helpline and was told by the doctor I needed to be in hospital since I sounded so poorly. We packed first as I knew an ambulance would come quickly once called. I was right – the paramedics came within about 5 mins and with them giving me 60% oxygen, it steadied me a bit and brought my oxygen saturations up and calmed my headache and feeling sick.
The ambulance journey was horrible. They are so bumpy and I developed a lot of right kidney pain on the way to hospital that I was crying with pain. When we got to the casualty department, it was a bit of a race between us and 2 other crews who would get in through the doors first. I never watch ‘casualty’ on telly – do they have scenes like that on it?? I lost the race and came in last!!! I must have waited about 20 minutes for a cubicle and in all this time the pain was building up in my right kidney area. Eventually, I got to the front of the queue and was sent through to ‘major’ trauma where I had some oromorph. I got seen quite quickly by a doctor who put in a venflon – the tube thing they stick in your arm for giving fluids through. I was quite impressed by that as my veins are awful due to having had so much chemo. I saw my junior doctor I saw on the ward and he had to take blood gases from my artery in my wrist. I’d had this done on the ward last week and it had really hurt. This time Ben was brilliant and he didn’t really hurt me at all even as though he had to do them twice as the machine played up the first time. My chest xray looked worse than last week so they started me on antibiotics through the venflon. They wouldn’t use my long line as none of them had been trained to do it so as by this stage I was feeling better, I did my own blood tests and cultures!!!
After 7 hours, I was eventually sent to the ward and back to the same bed I’d left 24 hrs earlier!!!
I felt worse on Thursday but the doctors were hopeful that I could start the chemo on Monday as last time in November I’d been like that. However, I just got worse with increasing shortness of breath and generally feeling very unwell. It then started to be quite suspicious on my 6 bedded ward. They started to strip the beds which the other 3 patients had left but left the bed linen on the beds. Then one of the nurses came up to me and said they would have to move me into a single room and into isolation as I had para – flu, type 3 which was extremely dangerous to patients with low immunity. This all seemed very odd when you consider that I’d never had this flu before and that my immunity figures were actually quite high. The 3 other women left behind were going to have to be kept in isolation in case they got this bug off me so I felt very guilty but there again, someone from this ward had given it to me!!!
I just went downhill so rapidly over the weekend that on Sunday, we were told to expect the worst so said goodbyes to many people which was horrible. However today, am now in limbo land. Still requiring 60% oxygen to get liveable concentrations in my blood but managing to clear my chest a little by coughing and huffing and puffing so have talked things over with palliative care team and hope to get into hospice as long as they will accept me due to this flu bug but they are all saying I may get over this flu bug and then see what happens if am well enough to have chemo or whether I have now met the end.
Thanks to everybody for reading this and for your support and comments on facebook, and the breast cancer forums I write in. It does help to know so many of you care about me when most of you have never even met me.
Let’s hope I do get some sort of reprieve now and can yet again rewrite their chemo history books.

Hello, This is Mags again, Poodles (Kates) niece. Just to let everyone know she is back in hospital again and things aren't looking good. She feels very Fluey and her breathing is difficult and feels exhausted. She is waiting on a chest X-Ray then will have a chest drain or have fluid taken off in a needle. She has been diagnosed with Para Flu type 3...(whatever that means) and is meant to be very contagious so no idea how she got it!!! Her spread has gained momentum in the period since her last scan and shows more tumours around her body, I will write more on her gobby gang account if I can access it OR on teh breast cancer forum tomorrow with a better update. She would love any phone calls so feel free to call her.

She misses you all very much, Lets all hope she gets better. Please send your love and support to her...

Thank you so much for all the support you;ve already shown her,,,, you have all helped her get so far with her fight.

Love Mags

xxx

Sunday 1st March - Back to Hospital
I felt OK in the morning and took Laura into town to buy some more trainers - expensive this puberty and growing lark!! - and also a couple of T shirts as she had grown out of her previous ones. I felt quite energetic and not like last night at all.
After lunch, I supervised the children making bread rolls. The twins had made some wonderful bread rolls at their 'cuckoo' (cookery) club but it was AJ's first attempt at bread making. The instant yeast is even more 'instant' than I remember as you just add it straight to the mixture!!! Woody taught AJ how to knead the mixture and they all enjoyed making the bread into interesting shapes!! We then left the mixture to rise and I had a sleep and the others went swimming. Unfortunately, I think I left it too long for rising but we wanted to show AJ the 'magic' of yeast. We cooked the rolls and although Laura's were fine both the boys had made their mixture a bit wet so the bread was a bit flat but they thought it was great.
I then started to make sausage casserole and suddenly felt really poorly and in need of oxygen and a sit down.
Unfortunately, as Pete and clive had been redecorating and i hadn't needed the oxygen for so long, my condenser was in parts and my emergency oxygen was stuck right at the back!!! Eventually, I was settled with my oxygen and sitting down and feeling a little better but not great and knew my chest infection had returned. The problem was I really wanted to spend the night at home and I had the CT booked for tomorrow and the transport was coming around 730am so I thought if I could hang on till then I could stay at home.
Pete's casserole was wonderful but I really didn't feel well enough to eat much so went to bed and packed a bag ready for hospital and then settled down to watch Dancing On Ice with various children as they were taking their turns in having a bath. (In case you're concerned they did have clean water each!!!).
About 930pm - after the Dancing on Ice Skate off ( you can see I get my priorities right!!) and as I was feeling quite fluey as well, I started to panic. I didn't want to be as ill as I had been in november at home and knew I wouldn't make it this time if I wasn't in hospital. It is really important to me that I don't die at home so really the safest thing to do was to go to hospital. It was now after 10pm so thanks Matt for babysitting while Pete took me into hospital.
We must have had the worst wheelchair ever for going in a straight line and then I had the same bed that I had in November when my breathing collapsed so this didn't feel good. I was seen by some locum registrar who didn't seem that impressed by my chest xray so just gave me oral antibiotics. She made several attempts at taking my blood gases without oxygen which was extremely painful as they have to take blood from an artery on the inside of the wrist. I ended up with a 8cm bruise!!! My blood saturations without oxygen was 82% and even with 3 litres was only 94% but rather worryingly my heart rate was about 130. My heart rate had been this high before when I had had a lot of ventolin but the last time I'd had this was about 2 hours ago.
I slept reasonably and 4 room mates were quiet and asleep but the 5th was rather confused and kept asking me for scissors to cut her drip off but eventually I must have dropped off.
Monday morning I had my CT scan as arranged and did feel quite breathless laying flat despite the oxygen and everytime they asked me to take a deep breath I just couldn't expand my lungs at all. I really wasn't expecting good results from the scan at all.
That evening the children came to see me for a while which was good.
The junior doctor came to see me and said he wouldn't tell me the results of the scan and the registrar would but then proceeded to tell me that the fluid round my heart ahd increased and that my lungs were a lot worse than previously. That was not the sort of news you want to hear just before you go to bed!!
If you remember my last stay in this ward I told you about the toilets not locking and the wet rooms (posh word for shower room) where the drain and floor had been laid the wrong way and the windows not shutting properly, well not much had changed. Some of the toilets now locked but one had a notice saying that the lock had been reported broken on 7th February!!!! The windows now closed but on one windy night, the blinds still moved and you could hear the wind and feel the draught.
Tuesday - I went for an echo to see about the fluid around my heart. The operators were really good and explained what was going on and got a cardiologist to come and talk to me. She explained there was now about 2 -3 cm of fluid around my heart and although my blood pressure was on the low side, my heart function was not too bad but the fluid should be drained.
A few hours later, when my consultant came to see me, she said that they were now not going to drain the fluid as the fluid was quite thick and had strands of protein and blood in and so would block the needle if they tried to drain it. Really there is nothing they can do but hope that the chemo will reduce the inflammation and hopefully the fluid around my heart as it is the cancer that is causing the fluid build up.
The rest of my CT scan showed not much to cheer about either. There is a new solid tumour at the top of my left lung, the lymphangitis is worse so more soggy tissue in my lungs, the solid tumour around my oesophagus was bigger which we knew as my swallowing was so much worse and now I had fluid in the layers between my lungs and the outside (pleura). These are small and too small to drain at present but adding to my breathlessness.
In my liver, the small existing one at sector 5 is about the same size and the one that grew through my common bile duct in the summer has grown and there is a new one of about 2cm in another area of my liver.
There are also cancer deposits in the tissue layer between the bowels (peritoneal) and new soft tissue ones at the bottom of my sternum and near my stomach so all in all rather a depressing result.
Due to my infection, I couldn't start the new chemo this week and will have to hope that next week I am well enough to start chemo.
The plan was to have another heart echo on monday and see if the fluid is changing and if it needs draining.
All week, I spent just falling asleep at the drop of a hat. One day, it took me an hour to send a short text as I just kept falling asleep the minute I started to read or write. I really needed help help showering as I had absolutely no energy at all and felt so weak. I still needed oxygen but could get it down to 2 litres a minute and eveentually manage some time without oxygen but after a few minutes my saturations would drop to below 90% so looks like I'm on permanent oxygen till the chemo hopefully improves things. I will also be back on pureed foods unless the chemo works as well.
I came home friday afternoon and since being at home, I have managed to be without oxygen for soem of the time but my swallowing is getting worse by the day at a frightening speed and have started regurgitating again. The pain in my chest and back has increased due to the pressure of the tumour and I will have to ask for something different to numb the pain when eating. I had something at the hospice in July but can't remember what it was called but it did help.
I'm going back into hospital sunday evening so that I have a bed for monday incase they need to drain my heart but also so that I have somewhere comfortable to wait as they can not give me a time when they are going to do the echo. My back is so painful at present that I need to lie down or sit so that my back is well supported.
Mum is here and has been busy helping me try to tidy my corner of the bedroom and also to give Pete some more drawer space for his clothes etc.
The twins did their nighthike friday night and were so tired on saturday as they had no sleep friday night apart from about 3 hours and so missed their triathlon practice. On sunday, they all went swimming and did their homework apart from AJ. He has got an inset day tomorrow so will have to nag him then.
Thank you so much for all your kind words and messages.
I will post again when I know what is happening or if I can't get a message up here, I will try to get something on facebook or the forums.

Last Taxol
Thursday was my chemo day. I knew it would be my last taxol as it really wasn't working very well now on my swallowing and my lump and skin secondary were growing. It was just important to get the CT done before I changed chemos. I also had my herceptin which went without incident but a bit long winded as usually I have the herceptin after the ranitidine and dexamethasone and this time I had it after the taxol. I couldn't sleep as all the pumps kept alarming.
In the evening, I went out with my wonderful childminder and our joint friends to our favourite indian restaurant. It was a really lovely evening and the food there is wonderful. I was so full though I just couldn't get to sleep till very late. I expect it was a mixture between the steroids for the chemo and just being overfull.
I was surprised at not being able to sleep as recently I have been so tired and feel quite different to how I used to feel. I just feel I'm going downhill now.
Friday turned out to be quite busy. I had to be up by 9am as the occupational therapist was coming to measure up where the grab handles were going for me to hold onto when I have a shower. I then had my belated birthday treat of a facial and reflexology which was lovely and relaxing.
My friend, Penny then came down from Derbyshire and stayed for a couple of hours whilst her daughter's fiance was entertained by Peter and they seemed to spend a lot of time looking under cars!!! It was good to see her again and we reminisced about our student nursing days and laughing at our clothes etc. I'm still amazed by how much brown there was in my room for 1981 - 82. I still think, as I said before, that the 80s were red,black and white.
At lunchtime, my daughter's friend mum came to see me which was lovely as we hadn't had a chance to catch up and have a good chinwag for ages.
I sort of had a rest in the afternoon, you'd be pleased to know.
Saturday - I took Laura out early in the morning to Tescos and spent about 2 hours there as she was trying on clothes as well as doing food shopping and having breakfast there. I also collected the mobile phones I'd ordered after Woody had left his in his trousers and it went through the washing machine!!! I really felt I'd overdone it and had to have a sit down while the assistants helped Laura unpack and pack the shopping. They were very helpful but I refused their offer of a first aider as I felt I would never get home otherwise.
My friend that I'd met via one of the forums came over to see me. We were supposed to be going to meet some others but i felt so tired that I really didn't want to drive over to the rendezvous so we just stayed in and chatted.
Pete took the twins off to triathlon training - this time it was cycling and swimming.
We then had a surprise visit from our friends near Winchester. He has been busy helping Pete doing the decorating - actually, I probably should say Pete has been helping him with the decorating. They came over unannounced but with the intention of helping to sort out the kitchen and do some housework.
I was so grateful that between the 3 of them they managed to clean and sort out the kitchen, the bathroom and hoover and do general housework in the house. It felt so much better to have a clean and tidier house and I am so grateful that those 3 worked so hard in tidying our house up.
At just before 4pm, Pete hadn't returned so our friend drove AJ and myself up to the community college where the swimming was and where AJ was going to try judo for the first time. AJ was excited about it and did seem to enjoy it. We met Pete whilst we were up there so he could bring all the children home.
I was thoroughly exhausted by this time and just went to sleep for a while until it was our meal. Most saturdays we try to all watch the same telly programmes and just have a bit of 'family'time. At present, we usually watch 'you've been framed' and 'Harry Hill's tv burp' and some of the celebrity dancing for red nose day and ' Ant and Dec's Takeaway'.
I just stayed in bed and hoped I would feel better in the morning and less tired.

Meeting New People

On wed 25th february, I went to Bristol to meet up with 7 others who also had secondary breast cancer. I don't think anyone looking at us would have thought that we were a bunch of quite ill women. We all had a good laugh and swapped addresses etc. It is always strange when you meet people for the first time when you've been communicating with them via the internet as I always have formed a mental picture of them and it's interesting to see if you've got it right.
Anyway, hopefully, we'll all keep in contact and will meet up again as well as meeting others who couldn't make it this time.
I got back in time for Pete to take the twins out to the new triathlon club where they were swimming and running tonight so I could spend a lovely evening in with AJ on his own.