Para Flu Type 3
As the ward I was on, was mainly for patients receiving chemotherapy or people suffering from infections as they had no or little immunity, you can understand why they wanted me isolated. For many of these people getting a simple cold could kill them and although paraflu sounds a very ‘glamorous’ name, it is basically a cold which gives flu like symptoms. What was worrying me was that I’d caught this paraflu from another patient or their visitor as I’d been nowhere else. I know when I had first arrived, the woman opposite me had visitors with hacking coughs. You’d have thought that people would realise not to come in with colds and coughs to a ward where patients have lowered immunity but some people have no common sense.
This meant that all my visitors and nurses etc had to wear gloves, masks and big plastic, long sleeved aprons. The masks came in 2 sorts. 1 sort of looked like a general dust filtering mask but the other one looked like a duck’s beak as it was white on one side and yellow on the other and pointed forward. Everybody disagreed on which was the most comfortable or uncomfortable to wear. After a few days, the infection control team decided that my visitors did not need to dress up in the infection control paraphernalia as they were not going to see other patients but the nurses still did. My family were so relieved as they got so hot in all this plastic.
Death News
I really felt I was going downhill fast. By Thursday evening, I was very weak and could barely stand. The furthest I could walk was a few steps and I needed help with everything and still needed 60% oxygen to keep me going. Infact, whenever I did anything, my oxygen saturations would drop and sometimes drop to only 85% when they should be close on 100%. At these times, I would also be unable to catch my breath and get into a panic quite easily. I seemed to need oromorph and lorazepam more frequently to relax me so that my breathing was easier. The ward was so busy, it could take 20 - 40 minutes for them to answer the buzzer so this weekend 14/15th either my sister, mum or Pete slept in the same room as me. The nurses kept promising my family a bed or at least a recliner chair for them to sleep in but this didn’t happen. My 73yr old mum was sleeping on towels on the floor and my hubby and sister made do with sleeping on an upright chair with their legs supported by another chair. It seemed hopeless and I kept meaning to complain but never got round to it. In the end, hubby bought in the sun chair recliner so that whoever slept in with me was a bit more comfy which was a relief to me.
On Saturday 14th March, hubby and I saw the Registrar. He talked to us in a way that made it clear that I was not expected to live for much longer as my lymphangitis was spreading quickly and widely and that there was not much more they could do for me.
It was not the news we were hoping for as we felt, there could be room for me to improve so that I could restart chemo. However, we discussed this with the doctor who felt the children should know as soon as possible.
We told them on the Sunday and has been the most horrible thing I’ve ever done. AJ could not cry. He hugged me and said he loved me and was glad I’d lived for as long as I could and he didn’t understand why he couldn’t cry. Laura was distraught and poor Woody sat there with tears streaming down his face despite Pete cuddling him. It was a horrible day. What made it worse was that it was all done with the layers of plastic protection so we couldn't have a proper cuddle. It felt so wrong that our last goodbyes could be done through masks and plastic for basically a 'cold' virus. Eventually, we just changed subjects and went back to more 'normal' things like the nintendoes. They have been the saving grace and the cause of the most arguments in my existence I think!!
I love my Nintendo DSLite but I am very limited to what games I play - Braintraining, Scrabble, The Puzzler and 42 Classic Games where I play Darts, Billiards, Bowling, Solitaire, Chinese Chequers and Mahjong Solitaire which is my current favourite but does nothing for my eyesight and often fall asleep with my head over my nintendo and dread losing my stylus!!!!
From that point on until today 23rd March, I’ve never been alone as I’ve felt too poorly to be on my own and wait for 30 minutes for my nurse call bell to be answered.
I’ve had my family looking after me, washing me, taking me to the toilet and sorting out my pillows and bed. They have fed me which is difficult as I could only take a small mouthful and then need my oxygen back on.
I’ve been visited by lots of friends too who have volunteered their services which has been well appreciated and I've clung onto people's hands endlessly as I was too scared to be alone and holding hands helped me.
It's been so emotional as I never know whether I will see some of these people again and seen friends cry who in the many years I've known them and despite them having been through many life events I had never seen cry. It has been so difficult as I want people there but at the same time feeling a nuisance especially as all I wanted them to do was to hold my hand or pass me a little to drink and just 'be' with me.
It's been lovely having reiki and reflexology and managing to still go into zones that I've never been into before and these have given me much needed and relaxed non-medicated sleep. It has helped me further believe there is more to this life and that there is another life after this as I feel I see glimpses of it when I am fully relaxed and in theses 'zones' and it gives me strength in my belief of my own form of christianity. I have met up with various chaplains from the hospital who are from all sorts of christian backgrounds who have been wonderfully supportive as well.
Facing death has been challenging in all sorts of ways and for some reason trying to fathom out if there is a life after death has been one that has stretched my intellect beyond what I would have thought was reasonable!!!!
As this was all going on in my head, my body was doing it's usual thing of tricking the medics and beginning to get better again.