Update - now 9.30pm thursday and had a better day. I think the 2 cream cakes I had with a friend helped enormously and so did being sent a cyber bunch of flowers, chocolates and a hug!! My hip really hurt in the afternoon so I hit the drugs again and then also had a sleep. Felt much better as by this time, the pain had diminished and I had a real bunch of flowers from hubby!!!
I did try to straighten my hair today with some wax/gel stuff but all it has done is stiffen my hair and it is not straighter and as Laura pointed out this evening, not only do I have a microphone head but it also feels like a microphone.
Think I'd better have a shower as I don't think I can get my head on the pillow as my hair is too stiff!!
Will have to also go on a TV controller hunt - expect it is in hubby's trousers and he is out on a morris minor do again!

Guess what happened next - We were spending a quiet evening in with a bottle of wine when my hand became a lot more painful and I noticed I had a purple streak growing up my arm. Since hubby had been drinking, we called a friend who brought her dinner here and ate it before taking me to hospital. This time I had my own room - bliss.The SHO was a bit useless though - he'd never heard of herceptin and he was supposed to be the oncology SHO. Now even if you didn't know me, you've heard of herceptin haven't you!! HOW SCARY!!
Anyway, after spending the night, I went home the next day as it seemed it had been caused by the vinorelbine going in too slowly and wasn't an infection.

Mum - came down on the wednesday and it was such a help to me. I could go shopping and not worry about how much I was carrying and go food shopping and not have to ask for extra help and it was great to have the company as well. She came with me to chemo so that I had my 'slave' for coffee' making duties and scone fetching and we even finished reasonably early so went shopping. Now starting to get there with the christmas shopping.
Not only did I have chemo but I had the planning for the radiotherapy for my hip. I came home with a huge square marked out on my thigh. The consultant said it might cause me pain for a few days so keep stoked up with analgesia and it might cuase diarhhoea as it would touch my bowel. I had a panic in the night and ended up phoning the hospice nurses to see what they thought I might need for pain relief and they suggested getting some oral morphine liquid. Friday morning, I was going for my flu jab so mentioned it to the receptionist and next minute, I'd got a prescription for morphine. Fancy, having got to the stage where you just ask for morphine and you get a prescription for it!!
At radiotherapy, I spoke to the lovely McMillan Radiotherapist who was shocked to hear what had happened tome and she reassured me that they would lead off a lot of the square so it wouldn't hit my bladder or much of my bowel. The radiotherapist who did it, showed me the area on an xray and I felt reassured. This was short lived cos after I'd been blasted, she then said,'the pain will probably get much worse and could take 4-6 weeks to improve'. Now, if I'd known that I'd have waited till after christmas as I wasn't in that much pain now.
I was OKish over the weekend. Felt a bit washed out - combo of flu jab, chemo and rads and then there was monday night. I took voltarol, paracetamol and codeine and it didn't touch it. Tuesday, I was at the GPs with hubby and met the district nurse who got me to see the doctor immediately and he prescribed slow release morphine. It is amazing how quick the surgery acts when they know you have advanced cancer - shame this has to happen to see how wonderful they can be.
As I was going out for a curry with a group of friends, I then weighed up between taking morphine or having alcohol. Alcohol won!! Had a brill night and met up with people I'd not seen for while. However, when I got home the pain was so bad that having read the leaflet and deciding that as I'd only had 1 pint of lager and the leaflet talked about large amounts of alcohol, I'd hit the morphine. I slept well!!
Wednesday was a bit blurry and I felt drunk at times and then I felt sick but at least the pain was better.
Today, I'm trying without as I would like to remember what I'm doing and be able to drive. Will let you know!!

M and S - can I be sued by saying bad things about this institution especially the famed bra fitting service. I now can't remember if I wrote about my experience of getting a mastectomy bra in this shop. Sorry, if I'm repeating myself but have chemo brain you know!!
I asked this assistant where their much heralded new line of mastectomy bras were and she peered at my chest and said 'Surely not for you. You haven't had surgery yet?' When I said yes, she then said 'you would never know would you' Umm- correct me if I'm wrong but surely that is the idea of a good prosthesis and bra so that you can't tell or am I missing something!! I then saw another woman who measured me and made me a 42C but offered me a 40C mastectomy bra. It didn't seem too bad a fit although I was a bit worried about the spaghetii straps and I didn't wave my arms around to ensure it fitted well. She then felt that probably I neededd a 40B in a different style. I'd reached desparation point and the price was right so I bought it. When I wore it, it really did not fit properly and my boob and prosthesis looked different and the spaghetti straps cut in. I must take it back.
I wore it to amoena who are a specialist mastectomy company. She couldn't believe M and S had sold me such an unsuitable bra and were selling bras in 40C with such thin straps both over the shoulder and around the back. Anyway, after breathing garlic fumes over this lovely lady I came back home with 3 properly fitting over the shoulder boulder holders and only 1 is white. Hurray!! OK - they have huge shoulder and back straps but bliss, they are so comfortable and they are lacy so do look as pretty as a 40C with loads of support can. So boo, hiss, sucks to M and S - get your act together and make mastectomy bras suitable for such women!! My ironing friend came with me, after treating me to a lovely lunch - hence the garlic fumes. Somehow, I forgot that garlic bread was not the most suitable lunch for someone having a bra fitting. Poor assistant - I felt really sorry for her.
Hurray for Amoena and Nicola Jane - I'm sticking to you now.

Back to the Grindstone - don't know why it feels like this as I'm not working but I have so many appointments that I never seem to be in or have time to finish all the projects I've got on the go or even blog!!
Monday - hospice social worker to talk about what we are going to tell the children. Rather emotional afternoon.
Tuesday - workshop about the chemo experience. This was run by the cancer network for this area. It was well run and facilitated but there were only 10 of us which seemed a shame. There had been little guidance about who could come but it did seem a bit odd that some had had chemo over 5 years ago so I couldn't see that they could comment on what was happpening now about the info given to patients or waiting times etc. Anyway, I feel it is something I could contribute more to in the future. You know me - I have to have my nose in somewhere!!
Wednesday - my wonderful ironing friend came. I was upset as I'd been out in the morning to try to find some scrapbooks to do memory books for the children. I ended up upsetting myself and the shop keeper and I couldn't find what I wanted. Whilst she ironed I looked this up on the internet and found a shop about 5 miles away so went there later. They were wonderful and kind and had a huge amount of stock so although I got upset again at least I got what seemed suitable.
Thursday - big chemo day. I went on my own but a friend joined me about 1pm and stayed till 4pm so that broke my day up. I saw the consultant I hadn't seen for a year. He was very symapthetic to my predicament of not being able to plan anything as I don't know my expiry date but he did say there were still more chemos I could have.Not sure whether that counts as good or bad news. Unfortunately, my vein wouldn't play the game and I ended up with a small cannula and a long infusion time. More on this later.
Friday - I met up with my mother-in-law in Marks and Spencer. I think they should give me a discount now as I go there so frequently for coffee and/or lunch. We shopped for the children's pressies and ate a big lunch!!
That evening we went over to friends for a meal. We had a good laugh - mainly at one of our friend's expense who appears to be allergic to his skin. Hope he forgives us all. Food was wonderful as well!!
Saturday - hubby at work. Homework and then AJ's best friend came to play. As it was a lovely day, I thought we could go out to a park with lots of lakes on and the children love paddling in them. We had a fantastic time especially as AJ's riend has a brillaint imagination. He kept planting bombs so we had to hide behind trees and rocks to be safe and then we got chased by raptoids. I also found out that there is a world war that goes on every night in the woods behind his house. Woody asked if he meant Iraq but he was quite clear it was at the bottom of the graden. Funny, we live less than half a mile away and we don't notice it!!! He was also keen on the idea of falling in the mud and water which again I wasn't - the thought of transporting muddy children in a small car was too much.
Then .......................

Prague - I had wondered if I was going to be well enough to go. I'd had infected toe nails and the chiropodist had chopped bits out on wednesday - good job I've lost a lot of feeling as it wasn't that painful and then I'd developed a chest infection so was on antibiotics and got told off by the doctor for not going earlier. I actually wasn't going to go but the hospice nurse had seen me and made me go!!! Well, they definately helped me so it was good advice.
My mum and sister came down on the thursday night and spent the night on the bed settee - which was lovely as it meant hubby and I kept the bed. We set off at 8am for Bournemouth airport friday morning. Whta a complete difference to the hectic mayhem of Gatwick. There was one tiny coffee shop with about 16 seats and only about 6 check in desks and our Prague flight was the only one due out.In true British fashion, a queue formed behind one desk leaving no-one at the other check-in desk. Guess one we chose!!
We had to organise mum's liquids into the one sealed off plastic bag to go through security but she had the last laugh as she was wearing flat shoes so didn't have to take them off whilst sister and I had to take our boots off to go through the scanner. I hate having no shoes as my feet are so painful when it gets cold. My sister go told 'well done' for having her liquids so well organised - don't know what mum and I had done differently.
It was a good flight but with a very steep take-off - perhaps the run way is short!! I hadn't realised we'd booked a cheap deal flight so it was very limited in flight food which wasn't a problem as we'd eaten egg on toast at the airport. That was another experience, they only gave us plastic cutlery and it was impossible to eat the rubbery toast. How do they make the toast so rubbery - mine is never like that.
Parague airport was quite busy but efficient. The immigration official did stare at me rather hard as my hair is quite long and straight in my passport and not the microphone head style I've now developed. We got a taxi easily. Perhaps too easily - other people obviously knew things about this taxi driver that we didn't. I sat in the front and he nearly climbed in my lap as he was driving. He did speak english but it was very difficult and funny at the same time. My sister kept asking him about his family and wife and telling him I had a husband and children but to no avail!!
Our hotel was brill and was a 10 minute walk from the Charles Bridge. We were on the 6th floor and the lift finished on the 5th, Ho hum!! We had a Z shaped room so we put mum ropund one side - closer to the bathroom (sorry mum!!) and my sister and I had the other side. It had velux windows which didn't matter as there was no view being it overlooked the busy street and it was quieter.
After we swiftly unpacked, we walked into the centre. Well that was the plan - but as we were hungry we went to the Downtown Cafe for lunch. Seemed a cross between a cafe and an italian restaurant with very odd seating and bright decor. Don't think we passed the trendiness test as everybody else seemed to be students and very trendy but the food was lovely. I had the mushroom risotto with garlic and parmesan with a huge capuccino - bliss.
We then did a bit of window shopping and real shopping and into a beautiful church before crossing the Charles Bridge in the dark (views of castle, cathedral and other bridges good in the dark as all lit up)so all the stall holders and musicians had gone home apart from one brave soul who played some keyboard thing and at the end of the song gave a huge cry of 'yip' which gave us a bit of a fright!!
After more looking in shops (good job I did go with 2 women and not my hubby) we found the Wenceslas Square and the Astronomical clock and more stalls for us to look at and touch pashminas and wooly hats and those Russian stacking dolls etc. We even timed it right to see the clock chime and the apostles go round and see the skeleton ringing the bell so that was a success. Even more successful was that we even managed to find our way back to the main street to our hotel and to the czech restaurant we had planned to eat in. We did this without a map might I add!!
We were the only people in the restaurant but the food and service good and I liked the czech wine. All for about £10 a head. Poor sister did have to answer her phone several times during the day and I had to call her back in for dinner - I think she was discussing what temperature her hubby had to put the washing in at the time!!
Back at the hotel, I phoned hubby to see if AJ had gone off to the joint Beaver/Cub Second World War theme camp to find his mobile switched off. Luckily, I knew he was spending the evening with friends so I phoned them and guess what he was asleep beside them!! I'm surprised anybody ever invites him round as he is always falling asleep in company!! He could not seem to understand why I thought it was an issue that the 2 boys were at a camp and he wasn't at home and his mobile was off. Men are from Mars.........
Up early saturday for an interesting breakfast. There appeared to be very few seats and we ended up at the end of a row of Germans feeling we were in the wrong place.. After a while, it clicked, the Germans sat in the main part of the breakfast area with the food whilst the English sat round the corner away from the food!!! I never realised there was still such a partition. Saying that, they were freindly enough but it just felt like we were in the wrong place. I don't recomend czech bread - hard and dry and yucky margarine. The fruit and yogurts were lovely though.
Off on a tram to the castle. This became a bit of a farce. We had an English version of the map so the place names were spelt in the english way. Of course, the tram signs were written in czech so we missed the stop and had to get another tram back again. The czech's were so polite and kept giving up their seats for mum who of course would then give it up to me which puzzled them but how could we explain why. We had a long walk to the castle which was then completely over run with parties of tourists all follwoing some guide with a different coloured umbrella or an umbrella with a soft tpy on the end of it. It was a ghastly experience and when we went in the cathedral which looked beautiful it was so full of people we jsut walked staright out again.
We had a much needed hot chocolate and wandered off down the Golden Lane which are medieval buildings with shops in - more shopping!!! Stopped for a look over the city from the walls and down a steep path to the tram.
As the trams were so efficient, we took a tram back to the Down Town Cafe - well eventually after catching a tram going the wrong way and having to go back again. Shhh -don't tell anybody that bit. Back to the hotel for more clothes as it was getting cold. Mum followed a drunk Scotsman out of the lift - for some reason, she kept turning left out of the lift so kept following strange men when we were supposed to be going right and up the stairs. 'He's alone and she's alone' became the catchphrase of the holiday - poor mum. We did tease her rather a lot but we had lots of giggles about everything so it was lots of fun and as it was the first time in 13 years we'd actually spent anytime alone without the children or husbands so we had a lot of catching up to do!!!
We then did a boat trip which gave us the opportunity for a sit down and a drink and to see the views. As it was getting dark, it was not the best made plan but never mind.
More shopping and eating and drinking of course!!
Sunday morning breakfast we ate in the 'english part' which was quieter and cooler. We then had about 2 hours before the taxi driver came to take us to the airport. We took the furnicular railway up to the Petrin Observation Tower. First stop the loo, we had to pay the princely sum of 50p to use the facilities and this entitled us to 'listen to music as we sprinkled' as it said on the postcard on the loo door. There was also plastic flowers!!!
Mum went to buy the tickets to go up the Tower and the sellers had a quick conflab and kept looking at her and then charged her the senior citizen cheap price and hustled us into a lift. You all know I am not keen onlifts at the best of times and this was a very novel and scary experience. The lift space was supposed to take 6 people but we were squashed with 4 of us and the other 3 are much smaller than me. 2 metal doors then closed on the outside and 2 metal shutters then slid up from the floor enclosing us in. It was very scary. The lift operator pointed out that the lift was built in 2000 and had never broken down - not a good thing to say!! She then took us all the way to the top which appeared to say 50m and then gave us a choice of 10 or 20 minutes before she came to collect us. It seemed it was only if you were elderly or disabled you could use the lift so thank goodness for mum as I'd have never made it and I don't appear ill. The view was fantastic and you could see all the bridges across the river and the castle. The view was especially good when it was pointed out ot us that the windows opened and that you didn't have to look through smeary windows!!! Don't think we'd pass any initiative test then.
The lift lady took us down to the next viewing platform where we nearly got blown away but you ccould walk outside and then it was a quick march back to the furnicular lift and hotel to collect our belongings to go home.
This time we had a non-speaking english taxi driver who kept himself to himself!!!
We had 3 very gay stewards on the plane home and decided after a spectacularly bumpy landing that we had a new pilot as well.
Bournemouth airport is obviously not designed for more than 1 plane at a time. It took us 40minutes to get through passport control. This was mainly due to the high number of non-EU passengers who took longer to be processed. One chinese guy must have given the wrong answer as he was led off for more questioning..
Hubby and Woody met us. Woody had won Best Cub at camp. I think mainly because he went to sleep at night!!!! The Beavers had settled well by 8.30 but the cubs didn't settle until 3.30am. The Beavers then woke up at 6.30am hence rather tired leaders!!!
All in all a very fun and packed holiday and I was pleased that I still could keep going and my hip held out. It was brilliant to go away with my mum and sister so we could all reel out all the old family jokes and teasing and for once be child free which was odd and nice at the same time.

The Hedgehog House - Laura wanted her dad to build a hedgehog house and after finding some fresh hedgehog poo, sunday morning, the great hedgehog house building project began. In my innocence, I thought this would be at the very most a half day job. Wrong!!!!! This was a whole day and a bit job!! By the evening, the hedghogs had a house worthy foi the royal family with a carpet lining, loads of leaves, food, breathing pipe and little runway in and I was exhausted and so was hubby. Sunday night seems to have turned into bath night so Laura was first in when there was a scream and much yelping from downstairs and I found hubby doubled up because he'd hurt his little finger. I was stuck - Laura in the bath - boys confused why a harmless game had turned their dad into a doubled up mess and a hubby with a poorly finger!! I took the only action open to me and phoned his parents in the hope that I could get his brother to sort out his sibling. After a little while, big brother turned up to take little brother to the Walk-In-Centre to get them to look at his finger and peace was restored inside the house. 2 of the children got baths so that was an achievement which still leaves me with one dirty child. No prizes for guessing which one did not make it in the bath - I think in an earlier blog I mentioned this child's attitude to showering!!!
Monday - inset day. The problem with having children in different schools the inset days do not match up so this time it was AJ's turn to be off. The plan was to go to the New Forest and play outside with AJ's best friend so that his mum and I could sit and chat. Horrendous fog put a stop to that so we went to an indoor play area instead for over 3 hours!! No wonder AJ is still tired and miserable.As they do bottomless cups of tea, we were in luck!! There was also very few children there so the boys could wreak havoc without upsetting anybody!!
I had to pick the twins up after Hi 5s and as I was driving offf rom the school, I had right of way but had to stop suddenly because of 3 boy cyclists zooming straight across. They were being chased by none other than hubby who gesticulated for me to follow and take up the pursuit. So there we all were, 3 boys in black on bikes, a man in yellow on a bike and a woman and 3 children in a pink car!! After many shouted conversations, I gathered that hubby had seen these lads break into and steal something from a woman's car. After about 10 minutes of pursuiting at 30mph, we lost them. Hubby went back to the woman's car and told her what he'd seen. She'd left her purse and mobile on the front seat whilst she went into the nursery to pick her child up!!! So was it worth risking life and limb and points on my licence - probably not but it was quite fun!!!!

Rest - what's that!! I have no idea why I think I can take it easy. I have too much to do in a short space of time.
Washing, unpacking and food shopping took up most of the day plus a quick cup of tea with a friend of course!! Then pick up the children, finish the pumpkins, get them ready for trick and treating and after that dash Laura down to her Brownies for a Halloweeen party. They got given a huge amount of sweets and we had plenty of trick and treaters too. Wednesday - saw the practice nurse with aforementioned manky toes. Think I need those croc shoes but not very warm in winter!! Then off to the hospital for blood test and to see the consultant radiologist about radiotherapy to my hip. He was quite reassuring and said I needed one blast but in the future I could have more and he felt that as it is more in the socket and not the ball bit of my joint it is less likely to fracture. I also spoke to the hospice nurse so will see her next week. When I returned, my friend from school had arrived and we ate sushi which was odd and not something I want to rush back to but a good experience anyway. We had a good day chatting and eating and she helped me make the food. Hubby took the children out to the cubs bonfire party so at least I didn't have to cook for them.
By this time in the evening, we'd realised our doorbell was on the blink again. Whenever, we opened or shut the door, the door bellblasted out 'Oh Susannah, please don't cry for me!!' and anybody who operated their remorte control could also operate our doorbell. Eventually, we found out that all the trick and treaters had jammed the door bell in so hubby managed to fix it so peace has returned.
Thursday - chemo day. Not so fast this time. A 3 hour wait between seeing the nurse and having the chemo but all went smoothly. Finished by 2pm so went to Tescos. This was not ideal timing. Yet again -no disabled parking places and as it is on a big hill there are few other places to park which are on the level. I had to park down the bottom and then there were no small trolleys and I can't manage the big ones. The customer service women was not helpful but eventually got me one. Good job I didn't lose it completely as just before I unloaded my shopping apparently 2 women aged about 50 had a fight over queue jumping!! Wish I'd seen that!! The police had to be called!!
Friday - supposed to be a quiet day but had to go to collect air tickets for Prague and went out for coffee and tried to cook muffins and flapjack. The flapjacks were a doddle but mayhem in the muffin department. Firstly, I forgot to add the milk and thought it lookedmore like pastry. The milk made it a runnier but it didn't taste quite right . However, I put the mixture into the cases and into the oven, turned round and there was the melted butter still in the saucepan. I then scraped all the mixture out of the cases back into the bowl and added the butter and started all over again. By this time, the chocolate drops had got hot so some melted into themixture so they don't quite look like double choc muffins more like caramel and chocolate. Haven't dared try them yet. To make matters worse I then found someone had left me perfect raisin muffins at the front door so thank you mystery person -much appreciated but who was it?

Weymouth - Littlesea or Lottsamud - you decide. Well we'd only been back for a few days so had to go away again!!
Hubby was working on saturday so I left about 10am with just the children to head for Dorset. I'd decided to go to Wimborne to see the model town. There was alittle Halloween trail where you had to find the muissing letters and then find the object in amodel shop. It was a 7 letter word and Woody discovered it started with p and ended with n so he immediately knew it was pumpkin!!! Rather a short lived game then!!! After a tootle around and the children playing in the wendy houses, we moved onto the shops!! It was a good job I had Woody with me as I would never had found the car otherwise!!
Onward to Weymouth via Dorchester and Poundbury (accidently but shhh don't tell hubby). Arrived at the site at 3pm but they wouldn't give us the keys till 3.30pm. Meanwhile Hubby had left home about 1pm and arrived at the site in the morris minor about 10minutes after us!! We collected the keys and hubby and Woody went off to the caravan. Meanwhile, I totally failed in the map reading of the site and totally missed the caravan!! When I eventually got there- hubby was not happy and neither was I. I knew it was meant to be a basic caravan but I htought at least you would have parking near it. There was a steep hill and then a steep tur up and over a kerb onto a gravel track and then a steep turn up a steep muddy hill with no hard standing at all. The morris minor nearly grounded on the kerb and the people mover just slid on the mud and we couldn't get anywhere near the caravan. Hubby went back to reception as I would have completely lost it and probably got thrown off the site!! Anyway, he managed to get us moved to a more level but still muddy site but this caravan was hilarious!! It was obviously owned by an old dear whose husband must have been delighted that there was now somewhere for his wife to store all her tat. I've never seen such a collection of ornaments- cats, dogs, birds, horses and 2 carriage clocks. They also must have lived off boiled eggs as we could find 12 eggcups. This was only a 2 bed caravan as well. It worked to our advantage being moved as we got heating in the bathroom and bedrooms and we also had 2 loos!! Luxury!!! I did discove something strange about my hubby. Whilst he is fully capable of putting on double and king size duvet covers, a single duvet completely flummoxed him and I had to help him. Can anyone explain this phenomena!!!
We went swimming which helped my manky toes. Yes - side effects of chemo have hit me. Nails flaking and breaking and I have 2 ingrowing big toe nails that are decidingly manky. The good thing is as I've lost some feeling they don't hurt quite as much as they look as they should!!
Sunday, we went to the Jurassic coast - the place where we are fated never to find fossills!! We went to Charmouth and Lyme Regis. It was beautifully warm and children were even swimming in the sea on the 29th October - scary global warming or what!!
Hubby had to leave sunday night to go to work on monday. I slept in with AJ - what a wriggler he is!!
We packed and left and went to the Weymouth SeaLife centre in the rain!! It was fun but there wqas a loggerhead turtle there which had lost a flipper and been found in the Isle of Skye and flown down to weymouth to recover before being flown to the Canary Islands to be released. Poor thing - he won't have a clue how he got there. another trip to Wimborne to the shop to buy a super monkey!!
Then home to start the pumkins.
Rather a hectic monday evening as AJ got invested as a Beaver so now got about 5 badges to sew on!!! need arest tomorrow.