Hello to anyone that still reads this or stumbles across this amazing blog.

This is Emma again... I wanted to write down some things about Kate.
I miss her so much.. I'm finding things hard at the moment, I wake up and can;t get back to sleep. I think about her constantly. I keep getting angry at lots of people because they have no idea what thsi greif is like. What pain this really is... So many people have things worse I know but so many people have it better. I get so frustrated and upset and I just want her back. I keep finding feathers about... Kate told me she believed they were from angels.. She'd randomly find these white feathers. the day after Kate died I foudn a blue feather on my bed. I think that was a first sign, a distinction from her thats he was still about. I find feathers alot recently it is a small comfort. I keep belivign Kate is giving me messages through my I-pod. I know you think I;m crazy but out of abotu 2000 song I put it on shuffle and asked Kate to send me a message in teh next song and the song was Bon Jovi-Thank you for loving me.

I got into University I start in october but sometimes I really feel like whats the point?
The last yr Kate was ill I did an Access course and it was solely to get into university. I didn;t do any work for most of teh year and kate told me she wanted me to just before she died. i;d sort of given up. But because she basically made me promise I did it, 18 essays in like a month and a half all A-level standard. Well I did it and I'm gonna start University in october.

I want to post some lyrics but I don't know if people will like them or find them insanely depessing.

The song is called Machines and it is by Biffy Clyro

I would dig a thousand holes to lay next to you
I would dig a thousand more if I needed to
I look around the grave for an escape route of old routines
There doesn’t seem to be any other way

Cause I’ve started falling apart I’m not savouring life
I’ve forgotten how good it could be to feel alive

Crazy as it sounds you wont feel as low as you feel right now
At least that’s what I've been told by everyone
I whisper empty sounds in your ear and hope that you won’t let go
Take the pieces and build them skywards

Cause I've started falling apart I’m not savouring life
I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life
Take the pieces and build them skywards

I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
Take the pieces and build them skywards
I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life
Take the pieces and build them skywards

I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
Take the pieces and build them skywards
I've started falling apart I'm not savouring life
Take the pieces and build them skywards

I've forgotten how good it could be to feel alive
Take the pieces and build them skywards

Take the pieces and build them skywards
and
Take the pieces and build them skywards
and
Take the pieces and build them up to the sky.