We did eventually make it to the bbq - I had to have a sleep first and the weather cleared up but it was very humid instead. We enjoyed it and it was good to catch up with others. I did try to eat a hot dog but ended up regurgitating it into one of the many various shrubs and trees. The host of the event looked after me and found me some cous cous that another friend had cooked. It was lovely and something that I could eat.
Tuesday - in the morning I spent some time with our childminder just chatting which was very nice to be able to have the time without the children running around. At lunch time, I went up to London to meet some other women with breast cancer secondaries. We did manage to find each other without too much of a problem although at one point, the person who taken over the organising and myself nearly went up to another group of women but then realised there were a lot of men in their group so it probably wasn't them. We sat out on the South Bank which was lovely. I'd earlier walked down to the London Eye and was amazed by how many street entertainers there were down there. I was quite tempted to go on the London Eye but at £15 seemed rather expensive way to spend 30 mins.
We all left about 515pm so I didn't fancy travelling home in rush hour so phoned a rather surprised friend who works in central London to see if she fancied meeting for a drink. She was free for a little while so we had a coffee at Waterloo Station and I came home on a 7pm train which was far more pleasurable. Did you know it now costs 30p to use the loo at Waterloo Station? Why so much?

Wednesday - this was not a good day for me. It was my dad's birthday and the day before my australian friend died a year before. Pete was off sick and I ended up in tears quite abit as there seemed to be nothing I could do without help. I needed the camping stuff down from the loft for Woody and my summer clothes although none of my skirts or trousers will fit as I've lost so much weight. It was so frustrating that I could not get up into the loft. I hate being dependent on people to do things that I have always done for myself and I get really impatient when I have to wait for help.
My friend had helped me change the beds so there seemed to be a mountain of washing to do and sort. Then the vista computer is still not working despite lots of people's help and I was getting so upset. I wanted to access my email folders where I have kept emails from friends that I wanted to read. I can't print anything, can't add to my Ipod and can't get letters etc done that I need to do to 'sort out my affairs' plus a few complaint letters.
I am fast becoming Mrs Angry from Tunbridge Wells. It is a real eye opener how difficult it is for disabled people to access things that able bodied take for granted. eg how narrow shopping aisles are, how few disabled parking slots there are in comparison to mother and baby ones, no chairs in changing rooms, how difficult it is to carry anything with a walking stick in one hand and lymphoedema in the other. The odd places where they put lifts and then how small they are - the list is endless.
I just cried a lot yesterday and it seems so stupid to get upset about something so trivial when I have got other more important things to get upset about. The problem was I still felt the same way when I woke up this morning and it took me a long time to gear myself up into a better frame of mind.
Today - thursday. I've seen the district nurse, my friend has hoovered and cleared up for me and I went out for lunch with some ex work colleagues which was lovely and the pub we went to has recently been refurbished and it was lovely food and relaxing environment and good company -thank you for taking me out today. I needed that change of scene and company.
This afternoon I went shopping again - shhh - there's new shoes in the house!!!
Now back to the 5-FU - I think I did post this before but now can't remember but there is evidence that 5-FU which is usually given as the first chemo women with breast cancer have, does cause brain damage and causes, I think short term memory loss and general brain misfunction. See I can't even remember what the report says or if I posted this before!!!! That is my excuse for keep wanting to give my maiden name - I've been married nearly 13 years now!!! - and my old home address as well as having no memory of conversations I have had. So that is my excuse for forgetting things and getting things muddled - the rest of you can just blame your hormones or your age as I know I'm not the only one with a failing memory as well as the failing eyesight!!!