On Tuesday, my dear friend originating from Australia died. She died about an hour after I'd left and this has left me feeling very sad and vulnerable. As I said previously, I'm the only one left out of the people who contacted me after my terrible pathology report following my operation Set 05. Although I have made more friends since either in the cyber world or by meeting them, it feels very odd that I'm the one that is left when I was the first to run into further problems. We've also lost a member of our Gobby Gang that only formed in October 06 when we met at a younger women's breast cancer weekend. She had such wit and humour and was such a help to me in her terms of her extensive medical knowledge of what to push for but was the only one that I could feel only truly comfortable discussing death and funerals etc with. I know I discuss this with lots of you and do really value the time you give me but somehow it really helped discussing this with someone else also in the same boat.
Before I left to see her in hospital, I went with AJ on his school trip to the maritime museum and to see the Titanic exhibition. I didn't realise how long they had before the first warnings of icebergs to when they hit one and that the watch out had forgotten his key to the binoculars so saw the iceberg too late for the ship to take avoiding action. The children got a chance to dress up and read out lines about what happened - that was sad enough before I even had set off to see my friend.
I was halfway there on the train when I got a text saying the doctors had said it would only be a matter of hours so I prayed that she would hold ontil I got there. Once at the hospital, I met her brother and sister who were so lovely. They let me have a few moments with her on my own and the nurse made me a cup of tea. I felt so priviledged to have that time on my own when they had had such a little time with her. On the journey home, I felt that she had gone and when I got the message it was the same time. I also had the same feeling when my Dad died as I was back here then and was hanging out the washable nappies when I had that feeling he'd just died and again I was right.
Since then I've been a bit distracted and so poor AJ's birthday was a bit unorganised!! We wrapped his presents late the night before and only decorated the room when he was school.I managed to blow up 8 balloons which I felt was a massive achievement!! hubby bought his cake with him after school and I still haven't organiseda party for him so feel disappointed on his behalf. He enjoyed his birthday tea and is looking forward to buying more things with his birthday money.
Yesterday, I had my hospital appointment. It was a very slow process - so no surprises there then!! There was only 1 doctor for the first hour and I had wanted to see him but by 123o when my appointment was 945am I was happy to see the one who always gives me bad news!!! He has agreed to refer me to the Royal Marsden to see if I can get onto the extended access scheme for tykerb. This drug will not be licenced till about the end of august/sept so is far too late for me. I hope this referral goes through quickly as he is known for forgetting things so I will be nagging his secretary. I've restarted the tablet chemo and see how it goes. The Ct scan results hadn't shown a lot of change apart from the liver one has got bigger but is still only 3cm so is small still.
Wil let you know how I get on as the Ipod is just misfunctioning and don't know if I've lost everything or not!! Help!!