Saw oncologists this morning and it was obvious to all how bad my breathing had got. Had emergency echo and chest xray. Heart function down a bit but not worryingly so but chest xray awful. It looks as if a child has scribbled all over the xray with a white pen and that is all the secondary spread so it's now even worse than it was in september. Have started xeloda - a tablet or rather 5 tablets in the morning and 5 at night. Have decided to stop herceptin as it was obviously not doing anything. Apparently after this there is only gemcitabine/carboplatin left if my bone marrow can take it. Apparently as now had vineralbine I'm not eligible for the tykerb trial which I'm really angry about. The oncologist said we are looking at months so really down and upset.
Have still not said anything to the kids yet but AJ obviously knows as he can't settle tonight and came down saying he had been crying and didn't know why. Woody clings to me all the time and Laura does her best to help me all the time. We really don't want to tell them until after their brownie/cub show but the time has come when we must. Not sure how we will but when we do we will let all our family and friends know so they can forewarn their children or whatever they wish to do.