Rollercoast world -
no, not the one you can play on the computer but life with cancer. Two weeks ago. I hit rock bottom and today I'm in the hidden bit so you don't know now if you're going to go up or down!!!
Firstly, I'll tell you about 2 weeks ago and then what has happened inbetween.
Two weeks ago, I had the long line put in. It was quite a stressful experience but I was also relieved that now the nurses would be able to take blood and give me chemo without hurting me. The only info I'd been given was not to eat anything for 3 hours before 8.30am!! I got up at 5am, had a bowl of cornflakes and went back to sleep. I had to lie on my back and put my head to the left which was then wrapped in a paper turban thing so I couldn't move my head or see the right side. I'd signed the consent form with the male consultant and so thought he would be doing it. Well, he didn't tell me he wasn't!! Suddenly, a female voice said they would do the ultrasound to find the blood vessel and I assumed it was the radiographer that I'd met earlier. She then said 'the aorta is very high and I think the carotid is behind it'. This worried me - were my veins misplaced? I asked if this was normal and she said 'it wasn't unusual'. What did that mean? I then asked her if I'd met her and she told me I hadn't but had seen her across the room. How rude. I thought it was common manners to introduce yourself even if you are just watching let alone actually doing the procedure. After the local anaesthetic, she tried to put the line in but with a note of panic in her voice suddenly said 'it's stuck' by which stage my heart was doing funny rhythms. I kept expecting it to straight line!! Nobody asked me if I felt OK! Eventually, they told me my heart was being irritated by the line and it was OK. To cut a long story short, the consultant tookover and it was done in a flash!!
I then saw one of the consultant oncologist who was concerned that I'd lost the sensation in my toes and so would only give me a lower dose of taxotere this time. He then looked at my skin and said it looked the cancer had returned in my chest wall. When I asked what they could do, I was toild they could try another chemo. He then asked me about how I felt my prognosis was and after much discussion between us, he said he felt there was only a tiny ray of hope of cure and that it was a case of controlling problems. I was devastated and spent the next hour or so in tears with 2 friends trying to comfort me. They then went home and another friend came.
To distract me, this friend asked me why I'd called myself 'dippykate' . I tried to explain that the chemo had made me do very strange things so it seemed appropriate. During that afternoon I showed that I was still 'dippy' by, firstly, saying to one of the nurses who asked me if I felt happy caring for the line and replying yes the other nurse had shown me when it had been her. I then couldn't remember if I'd had any piriton and then had a strange conversation where I talked about 'suitcases' when i meant 'swimsuits'. However, overall, the 'dippy' moment came when my friend managed to drop the parking ticket down the loo so that when we left it wouldn't work and she had to explain to the parking men what had happened. At least, we didn't have to pay!! That was probably, the only funny part of the day.
I reacted really badly to the chemo this time. My joints were so painful, I had to call the doctor out at 1am and then my temperature kept going up and my throat was really sore. I spent all my time in bed! In the end, I went into hospital for 24 hours where yet again I had no white blood cells and I was also anaemic. I did feel better when I left as I'd had a rest and I had been rehydrated without any painful jabs or blood tests - thanks to my new line!! I also felt really low and that I was beginning to reach the end.
Today, it all changed and for the better. The more senior oncologist feels my skin reddening is just due to a reaction between the chemo and radiotherapy changes and not cancer at all. I will still have a full body scan but he feels it will all be clear and to stop the chemo and just stay on herceptin till September!!
We came home hardly able to believe what we'd been told but still aware that the scan could change things yet again. Hence, the rollercoaster bit!!
Still, I've now booked the holiday Greece and I want this long line out for then so I can go swimming and snorkelling even if I end up having to pay for the next one I don't care at the moment - I want a good holiday and be 'normal'.
Will this rollercoaster be on the way up or come down? - I don't know but I'm going to make the most of the high at the moment!!
no, not the one you can play on the computer but life with cancer. Two weeks ago. I hit rock bottom and today I'm in the hidden bit so you don't know now if you're going to go up or down!!!
Firstly, I'll tell you about 2 weeks ago and then what has happened inbetween.
Two weeks ago, I had the long line put in. It was quite a stressful experience but I was also relieved that now the nurses would be able to take blood and give me chemo without hurting me. The only info I'd been given was not to eat anything for 3 hours before 8.30am!! I got up at 5am, had a bowl of cornflakes and went back to sleep. I had to lie on my back and put my head to the left which was then wrapped in a paper turban thing so I couldn't move my head or see the right side. I'd signed the consent form with the male consultant and so thought he would be doing it. Well, he didn't tell me he wasn't!! Suddenly, a female voice said they would do the ultrasound to find the blood vessel and I assumed it was the radiographer that I'd met earlier. She then said 'the aorta is very high and I think the carotid is behind it'. This worried me - were my veins misplaced? I asked if this was normal and she said 'it wasn't unusual'. What did that mean? I then asked her if I'd met her and she told me I hadn't but had seen her across the room. How rude. I thought it was common manners to introduce yourself even if you are just watching let alone actually doing the procedure. After the local anaesthetic, she tried to put the line in but with a note of panic in her voice suddenly said 'it's stuck' by which stage my heart was doing funny rhythms. I kept expecting it to straight line!! Nobody asked me if I felt OK! Eventually, they told me my heart was being irritated by the line and it was OK. To cut a long story short, the consultant tookover and it was done in a flash!!
I then saw one of the consultant oncologist who was concerned that I'd lost the sensation in my toes and so would only give me a lower dose of taxotere this time. He then looked at my skin and said it looked the cancer had returned in my chest wall. When I asked what they could do, I was toild they could try another chemo. He then asked me about how I felt my prognosis was and after much discussion between us, he said he felt there was only a tiny ray of hope of cure and that it was a case of controlling problems. I was devastated and spent the next hour or so in tears with 2 friends trying to comfort me. They then went home and another friend came.
To distract me, this friend asked me why I'd called myself 'dippykate' . I tried to explain that the chemo had made me do very strange things so it seemed appropriate. During that afternoon I showed that I was still 'dippy' by, firstly, saying to one of the nurses who asked me if I felt happy caring for the line and replying yes the other nurse had shown me when it had been her. I then couldn't remember if I'd had any piriton and then had a strange conversation where I talked about 'suitcases' when i meant 'swimsuits'. However, overall, the 'dippy' moment came when my friend managed to drop the parking ticket down the loo so that when we left it wouldn't work and she had to explain to the parking men what had happened. At least, we didn't have to pay!! That was probably, the only funny part of the day.
I reacted really badly to the chemo this time. My joints were so painful, I had to call the doctor out at 1am and then my temperature kept going up and my throat was really sore. I spent all my time in bed! In the end, I went into hospital for 24 hours where yet again I had no white blood cells and I was also anaemic. I did feel better when I left as I'd had a rest and I had been rehydrated without any painful jabs or blood tests - thanks to my new line!! I also felt really low and that I was beginning to reach the end.
Today, it all changed and for the better. The more senior oncologist feels my skin reddening is just due to a reaction between the chemo and radiotherapy changes and not cancer at all. I will still have a full body scan but he feels it will all be clear and to stop the chemo and just stay on herceptin till September!!
We came home hardly able to believe what we'd been told but still aware that the scan could change things yet again. Hence, the rollercoaster bit!!
Still, I've now booked the holiday Greece and I want this long line out for then so I can go swimming and snorkelling even if I end up having to pay for the next one I don't care at the moment - I want a good holiday and be 'normal'.
Will this rollercoaster be on the way up or come down? - I don't know but I'm going to make the most of the high at the moment!!
posted by dippykate @ 9:12 AM
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