The Trouble with Doorbells ............

Is that they don't work in/at our house!! As a community nurse I've spent the last 15 years using other people's doorbells and these all seem to work and make pleasant noises. Why in our house can't we have a doorbell that does what it says on the packet? When we moved into this house 8 years ago, the door bell sounded like it had terrible indigestion. It didn't as much ring or ding, it did a double burp. As the twins were only 3 weeks old and being new parents, we didn't want this extra noise on top of the already 'windy' babies who were more than capable of making this particular sound so the parents-in-law bought us a new doorbell which, as it said on the packet, went 'ding dong'. The only problem was it went 'ding dong' so quietly we never heard it. Being busy we just left it. People who knew us knocked, and we 'accidentally' ignored unwanted salesmen. We then needed a new door and the doorbell and its box were unceromoniously cut. Because the new door was a metal framed PVCu one, fitting a new bell was less than straightforward. Having no doorbell was not too much of a problem as we'd never heard it anyway. My parents-in-law had different ideas and so bought us a new battery operated one with a remote box. This lasted 2 rings before it stopped working. Not to be discouraged, they then bought us another one. This didn't work at all. Now this sounded all very familiar to us as we had been pestering the in-laws for months over their unreliable bell but "oh no" they said, "There's nothing wrong with our door bell"! Feeling guilty or defiant (we're not quite sure which) they bought us yet another one. The pad was then stuck on the outside and the ringtone maker plugged in the hall. This was a very posh one and had a choice of tunes including a barking dog and various lullabies. We chose 'ding dong' being of the idea that this was the least offensive and unlikely to cause us to self harm. This seemed to work quite well until we seemed to fall victim to a phantom doorbell ringer who preferred a different tune. When we came to our senses and stemmed the bleeding wounds we noticed it seemed to fall into a regular pattern of 7.30am, weekdays only and one day after listening to a variant on 'Now I know my ABCs' and dashing outside in my PJs, I've worked out why it is happening but not how to stop it or why it plays a different tune. Everyday at 7.30am, our neighbour uses his remote control to open his car and everyday at 7.30am our doorbell starts its rant. Now what do we do? Two ideas spring to mind; either we persuade the inlaws to buy us a self adhesive, PVCu friendly door knocker or we find daily, new and inventive ways to knacker our neighbours car and force him to walk to work. Both ideas are, lets face it unexecutable. Any ideas greatly appreciated.