Glamorous ? - I think not
I've never thought that having cancer would be glamorous but I never expected to feel/look so freakish!! I expect now I've written that nobody will read the rest after that introduction but please persevere, I'm not intending to write anything that will put you off your tea. Blame James Blunt for this post. I heard his song 'Beautiful' and it reminded me of something that happened in radiotherapy that I htought I would share with you.
During radiotherapy sessions, the radiotherapists usually played music. Coldplay's X and Y seemed to be their favourite along with an 80's compilation. Occasionally they played soemthing different and one day they played the James Blunt CD and 'Beautiful' came on. For some reason it made me giggle which is not a good idea half way through being zapped. I didn't feel at all beautiful with very little hair, 1 boob and the other side of my chest all red and tatooed. It seemed very insensitive really and I know someone who was upset when this happened to them but for some reason it made me laugh. I couldn't imagine quite what I looked like but definately not 'beautiful'. Anyway, it seemed better to laugh than cry but I still can't hear that song without thinking of radiotherapy. I then started to think about how my body had changed in the last 9 months, especially as today my hair keeps falling out all over the keyboard and I really do not feel 'beautiful' in any shape or form.
Anyway, after hearing that song in radiotherapy and not feeling very good, things started to improve. The radiotherapy finished and the skin healed, my hair grew a bit more and everybody said I looked really good with short, black, curly hair. I began to feel a bit more 'normal'. It was rather frustrating, hearing everybody saying I looked great with short hair but I knew they were right. It seems I've spent most of my adult life with the wrong hair style and nobody told me!! - oh well another lesson learnt. My false boob didn't look too bad either. It at least had the right amount of 'natural droop' as it says on the box but then things went downhill. I developed lymphoedema (extra fluid) in my arm and got fitted with a delightful surgical stocking thing to keep the swelling down and then I started taxotere. I've now got joint problems and keep having problems walking especially when it's cold. My toes and fingers are numb and to add insult to injury my hair is falling out. I've gone bald at the top of my head but still have hair at the front and back. Interestingly, the less hair I've got, the more normal, brown colour has appeared and my hair looks straighter. I can't make up my mind if I look like someone who has forgotten to take their cap off after having highlights, a strange clown, or one of my favourite dolls as a child. I'd better explain about this last one. The problem with me and dolls was that I was a fanatical hair washer and all my dolls lost their curls or hair and frequently both!! I'm beginning to wonder if they have got their revenge on me after all these years? I've still got my Sindy doll and 'Susan' and I think I can hear them laughing now!! Help!!!
I was fed up with inhaling hair and my face and mouth itching all night so last night I resorted to cutting up a pair of tights and bunging that on what was left of my hair. What a sight!! Good job there were no bank robberies last night or they might have thought I'd done it!! Poor AJ looked rather shocked this morning when he came in to see me. He couldn't work out why I had a pair of tights on my head. Poor thing. Hope he doesn't tell anybody at school today.
Other bits of me that have definately gone downhill are my face and teeth. I've developed odd brown markings on my face which the consultant has told me has been caused by the steroids so that's another unexpected result.
A side effect of herceptin is a continually runny nose and guess what I've added that to my collection of interesting things my body has done since having chemo and herceptin!!
My teeth are in need of a good polish at the dentist but of course, I can't go because dental treatment is forbiddden on chemo and my dentist has just changed to private and I can't register at an NHS dentist! I just hope my fillings last until April.
I believe the next bits of your body to play up are finger and toe nails so that will really add to the 'wow' factor especially to go with all the other unglamorous things that have already happened to my body.
I wonder what will happen next but must go - I'm off to face the world for my birthday lunch with friends. Hope it's dark in there!!!
Will keep you posted of any other exciting developments!!
I've never thought that having cancer would be glamorous but I never expected to feel/look so freakish!! I expect now I've written that nobody will read the rest after that introduction but please persevere, I'm not intending to write anything that will put you off your tea. Blame James Blunt for this post. I heard his song 'Beautiful' and it reminded me of something that happened in radiotherapy that I htought I would share with you.
During radiotherapy sessions, the radiotherapists usually played music. Coldplay's X and Y seemed to be their favourite along with an 80's compilation. Occasionally they played soemthing different and one day they played the James Blunt CD and 'Beautiful' came on. For some reason it made me giggle which is not a good idea half way through being zapped. I didn't feel at all beautiful with very little hair, 1 boob and the other side of my chest all red and tatooed. It seemed very insensitive really and I know someone who was upset when this happened to them but for some reason it made me laugh. I couldn't imagine quite what I looked like but definately not 'beautiful'. Anyway, it seemed better to laugh than cry but I still can't hear that song without thinking of radiotherapy. I then started to think about how my body had changed in the last 9 months, especially as today my hair keeps falling out all over the keyboard and I really do not feel 'beautiful' in any shape or form.
Anyway, after hearing that song in radiotherapy and not feeling very good, things started to improve. The radiotherapy finished and the skin healed, my hair grew a bit more and everybody said I looked really good with short, black, curly hair. I began to feel a bit more 'normal'. It was rather frustrating, hearing everybody saying I looked great with short hair but I knew they were right. It seems I've spent most of my adult life with the wrong hair style and nobody told me!! - oh well another lesson learnt. My false boob didn't look too bad either. It at least had the right amount of 'natural droop' as it says on the box but then things went downhill. I developed lymphoedema (extra fluid) in my arm and got fitted with a delightful surgical stocking thing to keep the swelling down and then I started taxotere. I've now got joint problems and keep having problems walking especially when it's cold. My toes and fingers are numb and to add insult to injury my hair is falling out. I've gone bald at the top of my head but still have hair at the front and back. Interestingly, the less hair I've got, the more normal, brown colour has appeared and my hair looks straighter. I can't make up my mind if I look like someone who has forgotten to take their cap off after having highlights, a strange clown, or one of my favourite dolls as a child. I'd better explain about this last one. The problem with me and dolls was that I was a fanatical hair washer and all my dolls lost their curls or hair and frequently both!! I'm beginning to wonder if they have got their revenge on me after all these years? I've still got my Sindy doll and 'Susan' and I think I can hear them laughing now!! Help!!!
I was fed up with inhaling hair and my face and mouth itching all night so last night I resorted to cutting up a pair of tights and bunging that on what was left of my hair. What a sight!! Good job there were no bank robberies last night or they might have thought I'd done it!! Poor AJ looked rather shocked this morning when he came in to see me. He couldn't work out why I had a pair of tights on my head. Poor thing. Hope he doesn't tell anybody at school today.
Other bits of me that have definately gone downhill are my face and teeth. I've developed odd brown markings on my face which the consultant has told me has been caused by the steroids so that's another unexpected result.
A side effect of herceptin is a continually runny nose and guess what I've added that to my collection of interesting things my body has done since having chemo and herceptin!!
My teeth are in need of a good polish at the dentist but of course, I can't go because dental treatment is forbiddden on chemo and my dentist has just changed to private and I can't register at an NHS dentist! I just hope my fillings last until April.
I believe the next bits of your body to play up are finger and toe nails so that will really add to the 'wow' factor especially to go with all the other unglamorous things that have already happened to my body.
I wonder what will happen next but must go - I'm off to face the world for my birthday lunch with friends. Hope it's dark in there!!!
Will keep you posted of any other exciting developments!!
posted by dippykate @ 11:06 AM
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