Coming Out of The Smog
Well I wrote in my diary that I woke up feeling 'normal' - not sure I know what normal is anymore though!!
The weather again looked changeable so packed a lunch and went off to a converted nature reserve called Fowlmead which is infact the flattened slag heap of Betteshangar Colliery. It looked a lot better than when I was ast here over 20 years ago. It has a cycling track round the outside and they have races there plus bits off the side where they have made BMX/mountain bike courses. The twins were in heaven - we had to hire bikes but Laura complained about her ard saddle. Think she has a gel saddle at home so spoilt but has been complaining ever since of a sore coccyx!!! They were so funny - Woody was determined and slow but got up the hills quite well and then as he gained confidence got quicker and braver. Laura just screamed with fear/pleasure all the time but did really well and didn't complain of a sore hip so obviously cycling doesn't put the same stress on her hip as walking does. AJ still will not cycle on his own so Pete had to wait for a tag-a-long to be free so they could go out. They all had such fun and as for me, as it was a smooth racing track, once I'd got up the hill I could go on full power of 4mph or it might be 8mph downhill round the track. it was brilliant!! Noy many people around so I could zoom around admiring the countryside and looking at the wildlife. It gave me a taste of freedom!! My world has shrunk so much that I get overexcited sitting on a mobility scooter at 4mph looking at wildlife!!! Not normal for a woman of 46 but still I was out in the fresh air which I love so much and watching different birds and butterflies. Pete eventually had to come out to look for me as I hadn't returned - I hadn't put my watch on as I thought we were going to the beach so got a bit carried away how far I'd travelled!!!
We then went onto St Margaret's at Cliff via a hotel where we'd stayed on our very first and miserable night of our honeymoon. (Pete got flu on our wedding day and when I reached him at the top of the aisle, he was all cold and clammy and I'd thought he'd had a change of heart!!! He felt so ill, he never ate anything at our wedding reception and went to bed as soon as we arrived at the hotel, leaving me with my tiara and confetti, asking for paracetamol!!!!).
It was great down on the stony beach. It was somewhere we used to go a lot when I lived down that way as a child/teenager. I love collecting stones and found some lovely heart shaped ones which I will put in the memory boxes and some unusual black and white ones. Pete found fossilised coral which is usual for him to find something fossilised when we are out. We had an icecream but I couldn't use the toilet as there was no lights in the cubicles and I just can't squat and hope!!
We came back as I desparately needed a rest and Pete took them swimming. As my tummy was sore, I took some oromorph but just rested and didn't really sleep. Suddenly, there was pandemonium at the door and Pete was doubled up in agony. Somehow, he had pulled a muscle or trapped anerve whilst swimming just normally in the pool and was in agony. I was dopey from the oromorph and trying to work out which pain killers would be best as I felt we needed at least 1 parent who was in the 'real' world so didn't want to give him anything that would make him sleepy but at the same time, he was in such agony and couldn't straighten himself up at all. Heat pads were got out and the children just got on with drying themselves etc. Laura cooked herself an ommelette which was the first one she'd done from scratch on her own so she was pleased and I just opened tins and cooked toast for the others. It was only about 2 hours later, I realised I'd not eaten so had to put that right -I wasn't hungry but just can't afford to lose more weight so was drinking fortisip and eating forticreme mousse to try to get some calories in and then tapioca!! Such a high fat diet - sure that's why my tummy was really painful that night again as well. It's a fine balancing act to eat pureed food when you're not hungry. My instinct is still to go for pureed fruit and vegetable soups but the dieticians are saying I need lots of protein as I've lost so much muscle and my blood protein levels are low so need fat and protein.
Spent the evening watching Airplane which the kids absolutely loved and laughed non-stop and Pete just slid under the table with the painkillers and lager. Will have to see who drives home tomorrow now.
Friday - Didn't sleep well - again this tummy ache. Will have to ask why it's only at night that I tend to feel it.
Spent morning packing etc . It was raining so seemed a good time to leave but sad as well. The journey home was Ok considering it was a bank holiday friday. The longest queue was about 2 miles from home which was rather annoying.
All the children helped unpack but it seemed so overwhelming. My friend had done some washing that I'd left behind so it was all flapping outside drying off.
They all had a takeaway tonight. Pete persuaded me to try a chip but it was useless and I ended up regurgitating and going to bed without eating anything.
Saturday - took Woody to football training and then went to Tescos. I really didn't man to spend so long in there but spent ages looking and buying clothes in size 14 all from a different brand of mobility scooter with a basket on front. I think they are designed for 1 person's shopping only as very difficult to fit in all the shopping I wanted. The staff were very kind for a change and helped get a bigger shopping trolley and pushed it back to the car for me.
Then a quick dash to pick Woody up from football and home. After thus I was exhausted and spnt 2 hours asleep. Then back into town as having trouble with the PS2 or the games. Managed to park closeby - thank goodness for my blue badge and scooter. Pete had divided it up into smaller pieces so took Woody and I a while to put it all back together again.
Pete later took Laura out to buy a light etc for her bedroom and sort out shelving for our room. He's now put the flatscreen tv on the wall and connected the freview so at least can watch telly in bed again. Absolutely exhausted but still couldn't get to sleep - so much tummy ache and diatrhoea. Think I over ate tonight as had huge bowl of soup plus a steamed sponge treacle pudding so think I was just over full. Even after that eased, I still didn't sleep that well though - mind overactive. Just getting so fed up with soup and porridge and tapioca and the occasional crisp!! Also, still so tired that wondering again how I will cope with weekly taxol. Feeling very low about this.
Sunday - woke up 8ish but still so tired. Spent morning trying to get children to tidy their rooms and I was trying to unpack our stuff so that Pete could get the bags back into the loft to give us more room. Got there in the end though and this afternoo went to a DIY store for things for the shelves and I bought some more sticker/scrap things for my photoalbum. Now have a shelf with lighting underneath but penguins all in loft!! Not having an early night again am I and ell asleep on the settee earlier.
Got 3 busy days now so may go back up o 4 mg dex so I can keep going.
Went upstairs and found the aerial lead cabletied back to the knob of the cupboard - don't think that will stay as it is!!!