Not good news - feel I've been here before and keep hoping that they've made a mistake but this time I know deep down it's true.
Hubby and I went to see the consultant on thursday and after a 2 hour wait we saw the senior oncologist. I felt this did not bode well and I was right. However, I wasn't prepared for the double whammy. The onclogist had reviewed my hip xray and now feels there is evidence of spread there. They are going to get the radiologist to review it again but he seemed pretty sure and was offering radiotherapy for treatment on my hip and lump in my armpit. They don't see the point of operating to remove the lump which feels shocking. Now got to have another bone scan and CT scan to see if it has spread further. I don't now when that will be. We don't feel it is right to tell the children yet until we know more what is happening but of course they sense something is wrong. They all are so cuddly and kissing me at the moment and as i was writing this tonight both Woody and AJ have been downstairs in tears after having a bad dream that they can't explain. Although, we are trying to be 'normal', children always sense something is wrong. Perhaps, we should tell them something vague now but I can't face it.
We also can't really tell hubby's parents or his brother as they go on holiday tomorrow. My poor mum is so upset and desparate to come over but I can't face seeing people really.
I've had lots of support from the breast cancer forums which is helpful but I want to just run away and sit on a beach and find pretty shells and stones and try and forget what is happening. Hubby's in a right state and has indigestion problems and is tetchy and upset. I think it is harder for others at present than me and I don't know what to do. I'm now not at work for the next 3 weeks as I can't face it but neither can I face being here on my own. At least, hubby off for 3 days now and children off for 2 more weeks.
Back this thursday for herceptin - not sure what godd it is doing but could be worse I suppose if wasn't having it.
Hubby and I went to see the consultant on thursday and after a 2 hour wait we saw the senior oncologist. I felt this did not bode well and I was right. However, I wasn't prepared for the double whammy. The onclogist had reviewed my hip xray and now feels there is evidence of spread there. They are going to get the radiologist to review it again but he seemed pretty sure and was offering radiotherapy for treatment on my hip and lump in my armpit. They don't see the point of operating to remove the lump which feels shocking. Now got to have another bone scan and CT scan to see if it has spread further. I don't now when that will be. We don't feel it is right to tell the children yet until we know more what is happening but of course they sense something is wrong. They all are so cuddly and kissing me at the moment and as i was writing this tonight both Woody and AJ have been downstairs in tears after having a bad dream that they can't explain. Although, we are trying to be 'normal', children always sense something is wrong. Perhaps, we should tell them something vague now but I can't face it.
We also can't really tell hubby's parents or his brother as they go on holiday tomorrow. My poor mum is so upset and desparate to come over but I can't face seeing people really.
I've had lots of support from the breast cancer forums which is helpful but I want to just run away and sit on a beach and find pretty shells and stones and try and forget what is happening. Hubby's in a right state and has indigestion problems and is tetchy and upset. I think it is harder for others at present than me and I don't know what to do. I'm now not at work for the next 3 weeks as I can't face it but neither can I face being here on my own. At least, hubby off for 3 days now and children off for 2 more weeks.
Back this thursday for herceptin - not sure what godd it is doing but could be worse I suppose if wasn't having it.
posted by dippykate @ 8:59 PM
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