Gimme the Music, Gimme the Flowers, Gimme the Hospice - Give Me Love
Well the taxi finally arrived and went the longest possible way to the Hospice. It's commercial suicide really as he would only get the flat contract rate agreed between the taxi firm and the hospital. It was very strange and so I arrived late. I was surprised to find that there was a lady there about the same age as me with a smallish Italian accordian, a saxophone and flute. I began to dread what sort of music she was going to play. She works for a charity called music 4hospitals and hospices (or something like this) where professional musicians go round entertaining patients in hospices and hospitals and despite my fears, I actually enjoyed it. She played songs mainly from 1950/60s musicals, I think ( musicals are not my specialist subject) and traditional sort of folk music plus The Beatles. She played some beautiful music which was poignant and made one of the men cry which was upsetting for all of us but I suppose whatever music you choose it may effect someone. She did encourage us to sing which we did try but I needed the words. She had a lovely singing voice as well and somehow managed to dance and sing and play the accordian at the same time!!! She played 'The Gay Gordons', 'I'll take the High Road', 'Furnicular - Furniculee', 'These are some of My Favourite Things', 'When I'm 65',
some beautiful Russian and Italian music. Myself and one of the other female patients plus the volunteers and ladies who run the day care all joined in the singing. I'm not sure if the men joined in but they seemed to enjoy it. I sang and did cross stitch at the same time so was merrily multitasking too!!!
One of the other ladies who is usually quite cheerful and mentally very bright and well considering the state of play, was really poorly today. She had lost a lot of weight and strength in a week and was so unsteady on her feet which she wasn't last week. She kept repeating that her cancer had spread and seemed a little confused. She fell asleep with her drink in her hand and the decision was made to admit her which I felt really relieved about as she seemed too poorly and distressed to be at home. This news made her even more confused and they decided to take her out of daycare and into the hospice part immediately. We all waved her goodbye and hoped to see her next week but I think this is unlikely so feel rather sad. There is another man who is also going down hill very quickly and seems to be in pain but is reluctant to take anything and falls asleep at a drop of a hat. He was seen by the doctor today so I hope she managed to sort things out for him. I think I've been going to the hospice for about 10 months now and although there have been several deaths, they mainly happened in the early months when I didn't know our group so well. Even though you know that people are going to die because we are all attending this particular hospice daycare, I still felt very upset seeing these 2 people so ill and knowing that they likely to die quite soon.
Somehow after the music, we got into a discussion about taking morphine and lots of the others will not take it or find the side effects too much. I think I'm the only one who admits that I like it as it gets rid of my pain, helps me to relax and helps my breathing. Sometimes I wonder if my nursing background makes me less afraid of taking it or is it that I'm more afraid of pain. I know when I did my nursing training, we were told the elderly did not feel pain as much as younger people but I don't believe that to be true.
Anyway, better move on before you all get too depressed. I had Port today with my lunch as there was no sherry. The volunteer said they would get some for next week!!
In the afternoon, 2 flower arrangers came. I remember one of them coming before and she demonstrated what to do but didn't have time for us to have a go. This time she demonstrated how to make different christmas wreaths and then we had a go. I really enjoyed it as the sort we made you did not be so precise and accurate so I felt quite pleased with my efforts. They said if we water them, they should still be usuable in January!!!! Don't know where to keep it as it feels too early to hang on my front door and not sure where to store it so I keep it watered.
The 2 ladies from the Flower Arranging Club had clashing opinions about certain displays so I found it funny hearing them trying to be nice but hearing the strained undertones of their frustration with each other's ideas.. It reminded me of a programme that was on in the afternoon in the 1970s probably. It was called 'Houseparty' and was on ITV. It would feature the same group of women and would start off with a few of them sitting round the table discussing something and then the doorbell would ring and someone would get up to open the door and surprise, surprise it was Daphne with her new peg bag that she would now demonstarte how to make!!! As Daphne was teaching us all, the others would be going, 'oh I wouldn't do it like this, I always find blah blah etc'' and then the camera would swing into the kitchen and there would be another discussion about how to make a Christmas pudding with lots of ' I find that if you do ....' , 'oh no, this way is better'. It was all very civilised but you could often hear the undertones that some of these women really didn't like each other. Oh the good old days of tame daytime telly. It definately wasn't an incentive to skip school, I remember that much!! Does anybody else remember this programme?
I came home from the hospice by taxi which was lovely although I do hope I can get well enough to drive again. I really miss being able to pop out for things and gaving some independence. I would be a great danger on the roads at the moment though. What with my poor memory and getting lost halfway through my sentences but at the same time, I've got all these ideas firing in my head. I don't know if this is a result of the oxygen starvation or if it is the tablets that are interacting. Whatever it is, it is frustrating me and I'm sure those around me. It's fine to type as I can proof read it.
We had problems again with Woody and his homework again. We are going to see his tutors next week again as we don't understand what is happening and is causing us all a great deal of stress. Laura was also upset as she'd had a bad day at school. She'd forgotten her PE kit and her geography homework and got a sort of detention for her homework. It upset her as she had done it but forgotten to take it with her. I think it a case of missing their breaktime rather than a detention as such. However, the 7 of them were left alone and according to Laura, it was only herself and her friend who sharpened the pencils whilst the others didn't. Then the teacher didn't come back and so they were then late for their next lesson and nearly got another detention. When I phoned the tutor to make an appointment, I complained about the lack of supervision during this detention and the implications opf them being late for their next lesson when it wasn't their fault. She said a teacher is supposed to supervise and she would look into it but as she hasn't succeeded in getting the other tutors to do a homework plan for Woody, I'm not convinced this will happen either.
Today, wednesday, I slept in till 945am when the carer came in to help me get ready and get me breakfast. she then went away and came back about an hour later to do my housework. Very odd deployment of staff. Surely, it would be more sensible for her to have stayed on and done that. I forget the Council are involved in the running of the Carers. Sorry if I've offended anyone but think it would also be true if the NHS ran it as well. I can't see a private company getting a carer to come back within an hour - it is just not cost effective is it?
I had a completely district nurse today to take my blood and she had come from Dorset and there they flush and change bungs at a totally different time period to here and it was different in Kent. Surely, there should be just one definitive guide to caring for Hickman lines. I thought care was supposed to be research and evidence based so there should be just one way.
after this, Pete and I went shopping. We got parked reasonably easily and the queues weren't that bad so as I hadn't been out shopping for a month I could see how the recession is hitting people or are still holding out for even more reductions. We didn't buy that much as I've ordered a lot off the internet anyway. It was good to get out and go shopping. I really think that is my hobby now - expensive and daft as I seem to be obsessed at looking at clothes which I really don't need as I've got more than enough. My retro coat is being well used and is wonderfully warm and goes with all my scarves. I like to wear scarves as due to my weight loss the Hickman line is very visible in my neck. I got lots of static shocks again and accidently - honestly, it was accidental, gave Pete some too. We were out about two and a half hours and only needed my oxygen when we were in the food part of the shopping complex. I was exhausted when we got back and came straight to bed and spent quite a lot of the afternoon/evening there.
One of my friends who I used to work with came to see me and we sat in my sanctuary chatting which was lovely to be in private and in comfort. The other person who was due to see me who we had both worked with had a bad cold so didn't come which was a shame but I'm so scared of getting an infection again that if I can avoid the risk I will. Hopefully, we can meet up next week. My friend who has a daughter in the same year as the twins popped in tonight. She didn't know about the detention/pencil sharpening incident and somewhere along the line my cascade of communication had broken down and she didn't realise I was at home so will need to rethink that cascade!!
Would you believe, Woody 'forgot' to do his homework again tonight and we ended up having a big row which made me feel very ill and wheezy and caused me pain in my chest. I just don't understand why he is doing this. It is distressing him and us all so much and I can't see the advantage to him in not doing his homework as we get cross and he gets banned from doing things he likes so I can't see what advantage he gains as he gets less attention and not more. I feel he really needs some help in some way and hope we can get some help when we see the tutor next week.
I gave myself a fright as well later on as I couldn't find my water tablets and was scared what would happen if I couldn't get them for tomorrrow morning. We found them in the end in my other handbag and after some lorazepam to calm me down and help my breathing calm was restored but it was a late night for Laura and I haven't done all that I had planned.
Need to be up early tomorrow as carer coming to help me in the morning before the ambulance comes to take me for chemo.